For the full set of season reports, click here

End of Year Awards
Season 2009–10

Major Trophies

Season Awards

And yet another . . . . the

No-Award-Winner Award

Weekly reports – 2009/10

To fast track to the report for a particular fixture (or another significant event), just click on the fixture date below . . .

Monday, March 1, 2010 – Season Closer

Presidential Permit

A promise of very warm weather (a regular it seems for this fixture) heralded the start of our last season outing. Nothing was about to happen until we received an official permit issued by the Office of the President of the Golf Before Work Golf Club.

Burswood were in a generous mood, handing out a complementary 18 holes of golf for a future date because some back 9 greens were damaged. There were five starters to take up the offer – but where was the sixth? A quick call to Macca and some excuse about alarms not going off! We all what was really going on as Macca was breathing hard, appeared disoriented and muttered sweet nothings into the phone. While Macca prepared to join us the decision was made – Stableford on the front; Ambrose on the back.

Stableford: Tom and Chuck paired up and were away! Litts and Ronnie became a number while Pedro was left to play with himself. Macca caught up with the group on the 4th, spirited in by chauffeur-driven buggy. As he arrived, he was breathing hard, appeared disoriented and muttering sweet nothings. Perhaps we'd misjudged him at the start!

Macca's secret LD weapon

Most had a good warm up for the Ambrose event, particularly Pedro (21 points) and Chuck (20) with TLM a creditable 17 after little exposure to the game in recent months. Master Blaster had head bowed, managing 12 while Macca the Heart Cracker chalked up 11 on only 5 holes. He also arrived in time to take out the front 9 long drive with his secret long drive weapon.

The Handicapper's Trophy – Ambrose: The inaugural trophy winners (TLM and Chuck) took the lead but it wasn't long before they dropped anchor to eliminate themselves from the contest. Ronnie thoroughly enjoyed his second 9 even though playing to a team handicap weighed down by Litts's meagre contribution. It showed as his Nooooooooo's were replaced by "FORE!" as the Secretary can testify. They fought iron and driver with Pedro and Macca but Litts's love of Burswood (and own personal low score – again!) and Ronnie's unbounded joy were enough to see them over the line for a great win and Ronnie's first up appearance on the Handicapper's trophy winning list.

The day: A great morning was had by all. Many thanks to our dynamic Social Secretary for the excellent organisation and to Burswood for the free round of golf. We all missed the presence of Steve, Chris, Scobes and Walks.

Results:

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

"At last – I can return to my triple suspension, turbo charged, four on the floor, chrome-plated, self-steering buggy"

A perfect end to a terrific season at Hamersley – TB with us for his last round for now before returning home; weather superb; everyone happy with parking arrangements; Litts early on the tee; almost a full turnout. It may have been the dryest summer on record but the course was very well watered and the greens quite moist.

The high handicappers were grouped and charged with setting the standard which they didn't. First drives (bar one) went everywhere and the pattern didn't seem to vary much after that.

Handicappers Final Word

• It was the Dainty show today folks - winner, NTP, LD, Apres, etc, etc. Chipping was a feature, with 5 ending up within 3–4 feet. Great stuff to watch.
• A bit of form shown by Terry on his swansong. Nice nett par round – pleasant and safe trip back to Mother England old son.
• Some steady stuff from Scobes, Ron, Dalbs and Macca.
• The course echoed to a few Noooooooooooooooooo's. It obviously takes practice – Ronnie letting out a boomer on the 14th. Macca then drove off, letting out a quiet, reserved little "no" (as Steve responded with a little flop of the wrist)
• Pedro and Steve just served up stuff.
• Nice to see the second (premier) group of single figure handicappers show the other group (of multiple figure handicappers) how it should be done.
• Ron became the victim of a 5th countback loss for the year. Must be a question of fitness – fading on the final holes old fella?

Results:
Winner: Litts (21 Stableford points)
2nd: Terry (18)
3rd: Scobes (17) on countback from Ronnie
NTP: Litts
LD: Litts
Little Bounce: Pedro
NAGA: Steve
Apres Putting: Litts (double yawn)

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Allardices scoop the pool: Ron - NTP; Steve: 1st and LD

Another balmy, still morning – just perfect for Terry's comfort meter. Everything was as it should be, Master Blaster comfortably back in his rightful parking spot and
. . . . . wait a minute . . . . where was the President? No glow on the tee as he normally lights up his morning booster. Inexplicably, he rolled quietly in as the 9th starter in our penultimate Hamersley round. The balls were tossed, the advertised Stableford now Par and Steve sent a screamer down the middle to set the standard for the rest of the mob.

Handicapper's Humdrum:

• Steve blitzed the field to become the most winning player of the season (4 wins). Note that he also has the most NAGAs for the season - please explain.
• Robin returned to form with a tidy +2 [Damn – just lost one of that rigged handicap]
• Macca confounded most of the pundits (1 out of 2, including him) with a neat +1
• Ron played properly and had a nett 0 like you are supposed to do –- an absolute handicapper's dream this man (unlike Chalk II) [Confidence personified as he once again willed a ball off the green into the hole with a neat chip]
• Pedro reinforced his absolute love of the Par format with a withering -6 [The trees were so intent on watching out for Steve, they forgot Pedro's timber-hitting abilities]
• Scobes was less than cool on more than 1 occasion as he continually turned good positions into crap
• Walks had one of those "bush" days, but managed to recover well on most occasions to post a creditable -1
• Terry did not add to his list of amazing golf stories to tell his Magnolia Mates when he returns to Blighty [Though he did entertain with a massive slice to the Milverton Street fence enabling three hot-blooded golfers to admire the shapely form with poodle sauntering down the road]
• What happened to Litts today? Nothing much was said after the game
• Eclectics were improved by 4 players today. Not many white squares left now
• Only a week left to collect big balls in the birdies nest – particularly holes 13 (5), 17 (3) and 18 (5)

Results:
Winner: Steve (+4)
2nd: Chuck (+2
3rd: Macca (+1)
NTP: Ronnie
LD: Steve
Little Bounce: Scobes
NAGA: Pedro
Apres Putting: Litts (yawn)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Another perfect morning for golf for the 8 assembled (Steve an obvious absentee and sadly missed). Well, it was almost perfect 'cept for a disgruntled Master Blaster who tried to back into his "official" parking spot only to almost collide with a white 4WD (driven by an anonymous person who could only be described as Acting-Captain Courageous). The halfway Club Championship leader appeared calm as he headed off to the practice putting green. Three players were hot on his heels, each keen to assume the mantle won last year by Brother Tom. As the slow play meter showed, it must've been pretty cut throat in the second group as every drive and every putt was carefully lined up and the ratio of practice swings to playing shots a record 10:1.

Early birdies from Pedro and Walks set the scene for a battle between the two with Scobes hot on their heels and Litts struggling after using up many of his hot shots in a classic golfing display 2 days earlier. When Walks mysteriously missed his 20 metre curling downhill putt on the 18th, it was effectively in the bag for our Steady Eddie – Pedro the Fisherman who bagged his second Club Championship title (net 71). Walks was a gallant one stroke behind with Scobes only one shot further back. Great effort Pedro - CONGRATULATIONS!

[I tried to build up the tension between the Championship contenders but it couldn't match that between Macca (the former Pacecracker) and Chuck who both sliced, hooked, mischipped and lag-putted in an epic battle for the NAGA award. Macca's persistence finally won out.]

What the Handicapper noticed:

The final group had it all to themselves –- this was clearly emphasised by the tee shots of the lead group on the first hole

• Pedro birdied the 10th followed by a birdie from Walks at the 11th – it was just about all over for the rest by then
• Litts had a nightmare 11th hole, effectively cruelling his chance of taking out the big one (if he had taken out the big one I'm sure someone would have hit it with 5 wood)
• Scobes was 3 over after 5 holes and still in touch, but a triple on the 15th killed his chances
• Terry parred 4 out of 5 in the middle stages but was unable to maintain the rage
• Ron stumbled on 13, 14 and 15, effectively preventing him from making any ground on the leaders
• Dalbs played double bogey golf for much of the round, despite being told continually as a child that this was not good enough and that he would have to do better
• Macca just copied Dalbs most of the way around
• The Handicapper also noticed that the scoring was so crap that everyone except the 3 placegetters will have their handicaps extended by 1 stroke.
• Did not even turn up or send a message of support to fellow members – Top End Tom and Jacko.

Round Results:
Round Winner: Scobes (net 36) on countback from . . .
2nd: Pedro (36)
NTP: Terry (all the way from the Motherland ) Bridle
LD: Pedro (all the way from Noranda) Baldrey
Little Bounce: No takers (Steve wasn't there to stamp his mark – on another tree!)
NAGA: Macca (of no fixed address) McLennan
Apres Putting: Walks (the Demon of the Short Stick) Walker
Club Championship – Final results

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Our Championship leader at the half-way mark. Has he the balls to see out the remaining 9 holes? Our picture would suggest he has!

A brilliant morning for golf and round 1 of the eagerly awaited Club Championships. It was interesting to watch the faces of the group behind ours – a generally glazed, early-to-rise look as a few of us strode around; changing to a "how-many-more-are-there" anxious sort of look as our numbers swelled to 9. Their anxious looks were eventually matched by ours as someone asked the curly question: "What do we do if Terry wins?" Smiling like a Cheshire cat, the named one snuck off to the tee leaving us all to ponder.

Handicapper's Halfway Harangue

• Walks took full advantage of his light weight and jumped like a gazelle from the boxes to lead by a stroke at the halfway. Can he keep going?
• Pedro is lurking ominously – as he does
• Litts and Scobes are still well in it, a further 2 strokes back
• Terry leads the main bunch who all seemed to use today to take up a strategic position just off the pace – well maybe a bit further back than "just off"
• Dalbs is carrying the hurricane lamp at this point.

Highlights:

• The way we pushed in on the first tee – I liked it
• Steves LB was awarded a 9.6 by the Russian judge. The only thing missing was hitting the green (about 240m short). The old guy on the next fairway still doesn't realise that he almost pegged out, but for a slender tree which arrested Steve's ball in mid flight
• Walks hit some screamers off the tee – Steve performed some screamers off the tee
• Scobes thinned a chip which went straight in on the 5th par 3 (for a par)
• Pedro birdied the 1st and had a run of 3 pars in the middle of the round –- watch out next week!
• Litts was solid without looking like he would take the tournament by the throat
• Terry was critical of his round when he finished. We'll bow to his better judgement
• The Chalks obviously had a plan which involved an agreement to card similar scores. I don't think 40 was the score they agreed to card

• Letting off steam. And good that Ronnie could join us . . . momentarily.

  But for a brief flurry of bogies in the middle of the round, Macca couldn't get it together
• Dalbs has requested that no comment be made about his efforts today

After match surprise

Magnificent montage. What a model!

Our Prez came up with the best way I've yet seen to embarrass the mob . . . . some excellent action photos taken at Joondalup. Each member got their own set of high quality snaps and greatly appreciated the time and effort put in to producing each package.

Thanks Litts . . . and very well done!

A nice touch as we left the course . . .

Results:
Round Winner: Walks (net 34)
2nd: Pedro (35)
NTP: Pedro
LD: Walks
Little Bounce: Steve (continues to astound)
NAGA: Dalbs
Club Championship – Round 1 results

ccc

Tuesday, January 26, 2010 (Australia Day)

A red, white and blue letter day today. At Joondalup, blue skys, a cooling breeze and to top it all off, the appearance of our very own Sandbagger, fresh from the freezer (UK).

A tremendous effort from Litts as the day's official photographer and drinks and snacks vendor. He appeared to have a really fun day generally harrassing the members – "Get out of the way!" an all to familiar cry as the unsuspecting wandered into the camera frame of the club's Lord Snowdon. Someone suggested he should continue doing the job each fixture.

Ron provided the usual nationalist paraphernalia for Australia Day/Indian Independence Day (in'it).

Damn . . . and blast!

The Handicapper observed many highlights on the course . . . .

• Young Steve (the future of our great nation) carved up the course and turned in net par figures – won by the distance between Garlarganbone and Lake Caddaburrawirracanna (stop already with the wide brown land references!)
  [Given the usual Australia Day evening celebrations, we were expecting big things from last week's winner, Macca the Fire Cracker, but Steve had a few bombs of his own]
• A keen tussle amongst the 2nd group for long drive honours – Macca in a photo (well, we were all in about 50 photos, but you get the idea)
• NTP was as fine an effort as we have seen in the history of the Club – Scobes became the darling of the following group as a result

  Belting it down the picturesque final hole

• A lot of really big driving today – Walks, Macca, Pedro, Terry, Steve and Walks all smoked them at various stages (would have been easier to say that Dalbs and Scobes were mediocre from the tee)
• Greens were quite slow on some holes. The Lake 9 seemed to be quicker – that's when the putting improved.
• Because this course was considerably tougher (and more interesting) than our usual venues, the Handicapper will be using his discretion for next week's handicaps (Round 1 of Club Champs). 28/29 would compare to about 33/34 at Hamersley.
• One suspects that the lenient lost ball/o.o.b. rule used by the GBWGC saved certain members a ship load of strokes today!

. . . . and one off the course . . . .

Joondalup jiants

Results:
Winner: Steve (36 Stableford points)
2nd: Walks (29) on a countback from . . .
3rd: Ron (29) - that's about 5 c/b losses this season Ron!
NTP: Scobes
LD: Macca
Little Bounce: Macca (a reasonable effort)
NAGA: Dalbs

ccc

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

[My sincere thanks to our roving reporters and cadet photographer - ed.]
Overcast and sticky conditions with a warm easterly wafting across a dryish Hamersley course made for a late tee off (by a few minutes). Macca was looking around quizzically on the 10th tee, wondering why everyone else was "out of uniform". Note for Macca – home and away is a binary system, as is the equivalent dark blue/royal blue shirt choice (either one or the other). How hard can it be, even for a senior citizen. Anyway, he DOES look delightful in royal blue!

Only 6 starters fronted the 10th to watch the big guns (Ron and Walks) line up under the watchful eye of skipper and marker Pedro to fight out the Match Play final. A couple of Ga's and another bloke followed on.

Highlights

• Walks's 100th game Certificate. [Walks, Phantom, Johnny Walker, Graeme Walker and Graham Walker. We got it right on the fifth occasion!]

  In a titanic struggle, Ron outcrapped Walks (apologies to Wayne Grady) to win at the last hole after both hit wild drives off the tee. Walks reckons Ron got lucky with his lie in the bush and it was all over from there. Ron's version of events was somewhat different, being laced with references to a strong mind under pressure, solid technique and skilful recovery from deep adversity (Yeah, whatever Ron). It was particularly deep adversity on Ronnie's favourite 11th hole – a 10 shot effort!
• In what was probably the highlight of the morning, Walks was presented with a selection of 100 game plaques (shades of placemats at Mornington) for his achievement of 101 games with the GBWGC.
• Macca won the day's stroke round with a neat 36.......and to answer the many inquiries received over Iced Coffee, the handicapping rules state, "winner loses 1 stroke if net par or better"
• The standard of play was fairly ordinary with no one breaking net par, and not one of the 6 starters being able to find the green on the 12th.
• The game was played in 2 divisions, with the lead group (Div 2) all finishing with net 41/42. The Div 1 group, though not playing up to the high standards which they always set for themselves, still managed 36, 38 and 39 to fill the placings.
• From behind, it was sometimes difficult to work out which hole the lead group was actually playing, which led to one premature tee-off by the Pres (though he did so with an element of courtesy, making sure that his ball went onto the adjacent left fairway and not the adjacent right fairway where the leaders were congregating)
• A series of bellowed "Nooooooooo's" rumbling across the course kept everyone informed from afar (including interested residents of Karrinyup) that Walks was still well in the Match Play contest.

• Dyslexic Golf – Scobes in a senior's tee off moment. After Macca was sworn to silence about the sneak snap, he then proceeded to tee off well in front of the tees!! In a concession to this age thing, no penalties.

  A new gold standard for absolute rubbish driving was set by Scobes off the 10th where he achieved what has apparently never been done before in the history of the GBWGC –- landing a drive on to 9th green and running to the far side of the 9th fairway. Sunk the bogie putt though. Also excelled on the 13th hole with an impressive 9 shots counterbalanced by some beautiful long putts in the first five holes after which a few 3 putts emerged (again).
• Nice to see Ronnie join us for coffee afterwards, a rare event. Everyone had coffee chill, no hot coffees at all!

Results:
Winner: Macca (36 nett)
2nd: Scobes (38)
3rd: Litts (39)
NTP: No takers
LD: Litts
Little Bounce: Walks
NAGA: Walks
Apres Golf: Litts

Match Play Results

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A perfect morning for golf and an air of excitement with buggies lined up to go and players lined up to pay. The Tundra Terror was there to play his last nine holes before jetting off for a return in early April. Safe journey Jacko.

It pays to get the groups organised well before the event. We all know who's carting and who's walking and it all runs so smoothly. Everything was going ever so well until a voice barked at the Secretary "Hurry up . . get your things on the cart!" Who was I to object and, anyway, what was I doing towing a buggy when everyone else was happily jaunting off on their carts (except for stoic Chris). And the man in the cart store was ever so friendly and only too pleased to look after my buggy for me. So off I went, breeze in the face to the 1st only to end up with egg where the breeze previously was and my playing partners TLM and Macca screeching off in a cloud of burnt rubber in total disgust at being stood up for a comfortabe ride on a cart. I'll never understand what came over me!

Handicappers Ramblings:

• Yours truly spent a pleasant day riding in 'Gorilla Force One'. This and having the honour of marking Mr Prez's card helped to sooth the pain associated with the golf. But enough of that - Mr President was in "supreme command" of the golf course, carding a 76 off the bat.
• Pedro ignored his stiff handicap and played very steady golf [And he didn't bark at me once the whole round]
• Chuck forgot that he was very well served by the Handicapper and had the gall to chuck his driver on the 18th. By the way Rob, did you forget something today? [Bugger. I didn't think anyone really noticed!]
• Tom wiped 4 holes but still managed 33 points. He's on his way back! [To Darwin, though. We hopefully welcome him back into our bosom soon]
• Steve wiped five, but a birdie and 3 pars made for a reasonable outcome
• Ron, Scobes and Macca all played like girls (how was I Mr President?)
• Jacko was so disgusted at the general level of play that he left at half time. Great to see the Siberian Sergio in recent weeks. We look forward to his return for some mid-winter games.

Overheard before tee off:
Litts: "That just leaves the two walkers"
Scobes: "Is Walks bringing Andrew for a game today?" (you idiot)

The pool scoopers

Overheard after the game:
Litts: "I'm happy with the game but could've got a good score"

Results:
Winner: Mr President (40 points)
2nd: Pedro (35) on countback from . . .
3rd: Chuck Dalby (35)
NTP: Pedro
LD: Pedro
Little Bounce: No nominations
NAGA: Macca
XX
XX

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Can't beat pleasantly cool mornings for a stroll around a golf course and beat the heat. It was no exception today and another great turnout for the first game of 2010 saw Tommy and Jacko lift the standard of behaviour and etiquette. Buggy handling got a bit difficult, it being anonymously reported that a certain senior (in age and club position) member tipped the bag out of his motorised buggy in the car park in a senior's moment, while the anonymous reporter was subsequently guilty of steering his into a tree! Despite these entertaining diversions, the Club Captain managed to gather enough balls into his "apron" for the toss and to get the game underway.

Handicapper's Hammer:
[he really captures the essence . . . with added comments from a grateful webmistress]

• Winners are grinners: NTP; Overall and LD; 2nd on countback

  Ron played well but lost on count back (again) to the scintillating soviet son, Jackoveshev [Ronnie was obviously on song - something with a thundering NOOOOOOOOOOOO! ring to it as he pulled his ball into a blackboy; a deed only excelled by his careful navigation of the buggy into an unsuspecting tree. Jackoveshev, on the other hand, wasn't russian his game, hitting the ball with grace and timing without recording a single "-" on his card. Great effort Jacko!]
• Pedro once again confirmed his absolute distaste for Par competition by not trying one inch [the labourer's lament?]
• Scobes on the other hand played his guts out for a similar (-5) score but managed to avoid the NAGA on count forward [with Anonymous at pains to point out that Scobes took his medicine around the course with very good grace]
• The Little Master gave a farewell performance which would have made Nellie Melba look like a golfer
• Macca was reported masquerading as Graeme McLennan and therefore provided ample entertainment for his group [especially the carefully crafted shot into a tree where the ball disappeared. Took a gust of wind from the Tundra to dislodge the ball from its hiding place enabling Macca to go on and wipe the hole]
• Litts faltered in his handicap lengthening strategy, accidentally halving the last 6 holes after an unintended early surge
• Walks' mind was clearly more on Carnarvon than golf [it wasn't that he was overcome on the occasion of reaching his 100th – something that slipped under the radar]
• Dalbs was there too [after 10 shots on the first hole, it was mostly uphill after that]

Our Pat – always a friendly smile and a welcome cup of coffee

Results:
Winner: Jacko (+3) on countback from . . .
2nd: Ronnie (+3)
3rd: Litts (+2)
NTP: Litts
LD: Jacko
Little Bounce: No nominations (We keep forgetting to dob someone in!)
NAGA: Pedro
Apres Putting: Scobes (such latent talent with the big handle)

XX

Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Visitors Day at Peninsula

There's something about playing early starts at Peninsula. There are vague recollections of a wobbly start last year and this year was no exception. Though taking early bookings, the Pro Shop was eerily quiet and so, with makeshift score cards, and Macca with a fistful of money and senior's cards, a great turnout took off to the 1st in warm, humid, overcast conditions (lovely weather for ducks).

Great to see the Tundra Terror back in town for his annual Xmas thaw; and Top End Tom looking relaxed in Darwinian weather conditions. And our special visitor, Son of Macca, who can legitimately claim having played golf " . . . from Prague to Peninsula".

Highlights:

Today's highlights come courtesy (and with immense gratitude - ed.) of Scobes the Scribe (and Head Handicapping Honcho). [Additional comments from the webmistress.]

• The handicapper sat down to assess handicaps for next week with a great deal of anticipation after some good scores were posted at Peninsula.
• Pedro recorded a best ever 77 off the bat at Peninsula - great going Pete. Refer to next week's handicaps for the washup from this outrageous effort. [Great to watch. Hardly missed a drive; hit 'em long, hard and straight; putted accurately. Was so hot, he chipped in off the green at the 17th to grab a surprise bogey when a scratched hole looked inevitable]
• Tom returned from the top end with a top effort and had his handicap topped accordingly. [You could sense a good score was imminent after the little grunt and fluent timing of his initial drive]
• Scobes continued recent consistent form, despite playing off a handicap 7 strokes less than usual at Peninsula. [A modest assessment – played some consistently good drives and fairway shots but had more than his share of putts that missed by "that much".]
• Walks continues to perform to the new level established at Binningup. [Including a mandatory hit off the 4th fairway when he was actually playing the 3rd]
• Ron was desperately unlucky to miss a place on a countback. Lost a stroke from his handicap nevertheless (and at least 4 balls from all reports]
• Jacko had trouble acclimatising from the tundra
• Dalbs chipped his way to oblivion [and is indebted to tundra for saving him from the NAGA]
• Dainty didn't give much away in after game discussions. Is there a slow accumulation of handicap strokes happening here in the lead up to the Club Champs?
• The Macca boys provided the usual mirthful perspective on what, to most, is a serious business.

Results:
Winner: Pedro (an excellent 44 points)
2nd: Tom (39)
3rd: Scobes (38) on countback from . . .
Master Blaster (38)
NTP's: Jacko; Pete
LD: Master Blaster
Little Bounce: No nominations
NAGA: Jacko

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 From left: Dasher, Vixen, Cupid, Blitzen, Donner, Comet, Dancer, Prancer Front: Rudolf (it's a nose thing) The Christmas Cup It was the event everyone looks forward to – golf, breakfast and a floppy red hat. Once again we must thank the dynamic Social Secretary for his perfect choice of headwear. Fantastic to see one of the club's esteemed ambassadors, Cultural Attache to the ACT Jeff Carlton, make his maiden appearance. He set a fine example, the first to arrive and in chauffeur-driven style! Phantom had the rest concerned when it appeared his absence may be due to an appointment with Hamersley. It wasn't until someone with the nose to stick into other people's business had got his better half out of a deep slumber that Walks came careering into the car park and almost into a cup winning score. Perfect weather and a bubbling crew ready to blast off. The Round (with apologies to Good King Wenceslas) Good Prez Dainty G looked out On the crew so eager What was all the fuss about? Christmas Cup-type fever! Brightly shone the sun at 5 Get that Pro Shop open Nine fit men are keen to strive for a Cup that's broken. The Canberra Kid Hither Ronnie on the tee You may have the honour Yonder member, who is he? Why, it's Canberra's Jeffery! "Sire, this Phantom, can he play?" "Watch him drive that golf ball" Time for Snout to join the fray Pray no chipping's required at all. Bring me Pedro's power game Threatening his first Cup win Macca's form this boy might tame Or the pace might crack him Scobes was silent on his form (He of the silent assassin) Flittering form are more the norm Who's best placed to get the win? Platinum's superb "last iron shot", a 140m 8-iron second shot to the 18th green "Sire, can Litts return to form And claim his first Cup win?" "Fails my heart I know not how If Platinum's got his eye in" "Mark my footsteps" cried our Jeff "Should I get lost in thick rough" After Platinum's last iron shot Litts and Jeff had had enough. Off to breakfast went the mob No-one a clear grinner Thoughts were more on filling one's gob Than who might be the winner Nineteen points for five fine souls Pedro (third) felt left out Walks got done on countback holes By the winner . . . well done Snout! Handicapper's Comments: Thought for today - "Nineteen is not enough" The course was in great condition - perfectly paced greens The handicapper's delight - aka Jeff "Canberra Kid" Carlton was a welcome starter on the 10th at Wembley for the 2009-10 Xmas Cup fixture. This fixture is thought to be the oldest of the GBWGC Majors and as such was as keenly contested as any in living memory (yes, there still is some living memory available in the old noggins). Pity some useless #@*&$ has lost the extremely valuable trophy! In an unprecedented outcome, Dainty was equal 4th on points but managed to snare the NAGA on a count forward from nearly everyone else. This must be the first time that a player has won the NAGA and also lost a handicap stroke. In fact all players except the esteemed winner (Snout) lost a stroke for next week at Peninsula. Snout lost 2 – be careful about winning countbacks Robin. Results: Winner: Dalbs (22 points) on countback from . . . 2nd: Walks (22) 3rd: Pedro (21) NTP: Ronnie LD: Dalbs Little Bounce: No nominations . . . though, if there was a worthy entrant, please let Scobes know about it. NAGA: Litts   RA SA PB RD CJ TJ GL GMc DS GW Starting Handicap 11 14 8 9 10 13 6 13 9 14 Score 19 19 21 22     19 19 19   22 Adjustment -1 -1 -1 -2     -1 -1 -1 -1 New Handicap 10 13 7 7 10 13 5 12 8 13

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The morning cast a gloomy pall over the 10th tee – a legacy (apparently) of bush fires down South in cow country. But everything suddenly brightened with the reappearance of The Little Master, although he might've been hard to spot in the gloom. The gloom even spread to Snout's makeshift bedroom (the lounge) after fate, and and ill-set alarm clock, stepped in to ensure he overslept and missed the morning action. Walks (on honeymoon duties) and Scobes were also missed. It was perfect golfing weather and good scores were expected.

Left: Pedro – Nearest the Pin; Right: Dainty – Longest Drive (yep, I got it the right way around - go figure) Centre: A very happy winner

Highlights:

• It was Macca Mania. The club wielding pace cracker zoomed into action with a pair of back-to-back 7's, 5 over the card and the gloom omnipresent. Not sure what happened next, but he sailed home in 6 over for the remaining holes, probably spurred on by his hot side contest with the Wood Man with whom he drew after a hotly contested 18th hole. The euphoria of his round win and Apres golf success, though, was all too much for Macca. After a chat in the carpark, a photo and another chat, it was into the car and backing out. Unfortunately, he hadn’t put his bag into the trunk – it was standing on the bitumen right behind his car. He knocked it over and was lucky not to have driven over it.
• The Master Blaster's place-getting form continued today (nipped on a

  Where'd it go? A lesson in keeping your eye on the ball

  countback) as did his hate-hate affair with the nursery hole (an 8 this week). But he still managed to fight off a challenge from Allardice the Younger who put the bad run of the last three weeks behind him with a creditable +2 and third spot on countback from Pedro. From the loungeroom, it was difficult to see how well Pete played, but a 43 off the stick would indicate he'll be back next week.
• Litts had a love affair with the par 3's – birdie/par – but, of all things, had a hate session with the putter. Three 3-putts is just not cricket, or golf, but he nevertheless cracked a 43.
• Top End Tom will do anything to avoid a cyclone, and thankfully he chose a round with GBW. A sensational start – a ladies violation on the 10th and a cracking hit into the 100m post on the 11th which ricocheted back 60 to 100 meters (depending on who you asked). One more wipe and he played the remaining six holes in only 7-over. Not bad given his golf sabbaticals (and "visitor" status).

Handicapper's Comments:

• Heaven – no early alarm and a nice warm soft bed
• No searching for lost car keys and avoiding speed traps
• No grappling with that confounded handicapping spreadsheet
• Gee I missed my weekly contribution to the Apres golf charity fund

Results:
Winner: Macca (+3) on countback from . . .
2nd: Ronnie (+3)
3rd: Platinum (+2)
NTP: Pedro
LD: Dainty
Little Bounce: Platinum
NAGA: Top End Tom
Apres Putting: Macca

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Can't knock these cool, clear, still summer mornings, especially when I think of The Little Master sweltering in sticky overnight minimums of 24 degrees. Hmmmmm . . . actually it's a wickedly enjoyable thought! The course was damp and a few sprinklers had to be negotiated but it didn't dampen the enthusiasm of the Match Play Semi-finalists. A ripple of concern was heard as the big hitting Phantom limbered up with one arm heavily bandaged. Everyone (except Pedro) breathed a sigh of relief as Walks declared it was more a 'comfort strap' with one wag in the crowd observing that this was on a par with " . . . the comfort women in the second World War". It was war on the Match Play tee as Ronnie fronted Steve and Comfort Walker faced off to Pedro.

Highlights:

• Ronnie v's Platinum: The signs were ominous – Ronnie showing glimpses of form with thirds in his last two starts and Steve unusually recording lasts in his last two starts. Both were slow starters. Master Blaster was 6-over after two holes before settling into a rhythm to be 7-over for the remaining seven, grabbing the Match Play win and stealing second spot overall. Steve started slowly and, unfortunately, stayed slowly. That scintillating early season form deserted him at a critical time. Ronnie now has the chance to defend his 2008 title .
• Walks v's Pete: It was a battle of the big hitters and Walks immediately set the pace with an outstanding birdie on the 10th for his second Birdie's Nest (and a golf ball). Some of those rocket-fuelled drives didn't always go to plan, 2 (a developing average per game these days) ending up on adjacent fairways as the photo evidence shows. Yet he still recovered well to stay in front for most of the match. Pedro had a wicked day with almost every club. It was all summed up when Macca, in a fit of his own pique, cursed a 7 on a par 4 – to which Pedro replied "7 on a par 4 – that's a good score!". The bold was there but the beautiful had also deserted Pete at the critical time. Showed terrific temperament despite not much going right today for this tyro.

• Our two Match Play finalists cuddling up to a maiden

  T'others: In a totally unaffected way, The Silent Assassin breezed around the course with a 43 off the stick, only three over the card after 7 holes, mangled the 17th (with a 7) and bolted in with a net 33. Great (yet humble) effort Scobes for a first-up season win! Our newly crowned tennis guru, Macca'nroe, displayed his superb top spin skills today, particularly the drive shot. After a bounder into bush on the infamous 13th (a precurser to one or two other similar shots), he was accused of chasing rabbits. Despite these indiscretions, he knocked off Snout on countback in a personal golfing feud, the thin one only able to scrabble to the green before pulling off a few good putts to protect a respectable score. And then there was the Pres who, though paying me good money to say nothing, at least had some symmetry to his round – 6 "6's" and 3 "4's" and a net 43! That's about as 'saying nothing' as I dare.

Handicapper's Jottings:

• Maiden victory for none other than the handicapper himself – by a comfortable margin. Managed to blow one hole to protect the handicap.
• Ron overcame early misfortune and misfiring to sneak into second place. Never say die! Also managed to overcome the younger A 3 and 1 in the match play semi.
• Walks refuses to buckle under the weight of his reduced handicap. In a show of complete disdain for the handicapper's close attention he opened with a birdie to snare his second "nest"of the season.
• Ultra dainty putting by Litts led to one his worst results for some time. Beware the wounded champ!
• Steve continues to insist on the "axeman" grip - the trees are starting to complain!

Results:
Winner: Scobes (33 Net)
2nd: Ronnie (37)
3rd: Walks (38)
NTP: Walks
LD: Ronnie
Little Bounce: Macca
NAGA: Steve
Apres Putting: Pedro, unflustered by a Snout dummy-spit.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

At last – Summer?? A cool morning on the 10th tee as players warmed up to one of the season highlights (according to Dainty) – the President's Cup! No guessing who felt obliged to tee off first. Macca leapt off his massage table to be in the action with arm wound tight in bandages while Scobes was a picture of serenity and calmness as he strode from car to tee (after finally locating his missing car keys at home), had a baseball practice swing and belted it down the middle.

Meanwhile, all assembled hadn't realised that a significant event had occurred the previous Thursday . .
. . Macca for the 26th! We forgive you for being out of uniform.

Highlights:

• From left: NTP winner, President and he who presents the President's Cup (as the incumbent President); Two other blokes.

  Pedro the Fisherman started reeling 'em in right from the start. Long and mainly straight off the tees ("I'm trying not to hit too hard"), some top approach shots and a few putts falling short (while muttering "you weak c___"). A 42 off the stick and 22 Stableford points saw him take out the Cup in great style. He was so confident of a win that he toasted himself with a can of Coke on the 17th tee! Congratulations Pete . . . a handicapper's dream round!
• Snout managed to keep his game, temperament and camera batteries under control for the second successive week. His luck is holding, snaffling a second on countback from an unlucky Ronnie.
• It was the "Ronnie and Steve Show" in the second group. Ronnie had a slow start as did Steve (2 points after 5 holes) with missiles flying in every direction, particularly Putterman with some vicious pulls and slices and an early donation to the nursery. Their 12th was special – Steve hoiking his onto Milverton Avenue and Ronnie's up against a tree, his complaint receiving the curt reply "Go cry somewhere else!". After both zig-zagged up the 13th for unimpressive scores, the Elder muttered "Why do I bother" with another curt reply "You haven't had 3 wipes in a row!". While the Elder started to show some impressive form to grab a 3rd, the Younger summed up his game "I'll be setting some unwanted records today" – and perhaps he did with a NAGA-winning 11 Stableford points. Steve stuck at it admirably and, with his only drive to hit the fairway, took out a monster Long Drive.
• The lead group reportedly played steady and unexceptional golf. What else did one expect – backing buggies into fire hydrants? The Prez, of President's Cup fame, put in a workman-like performance, taking the lead in the NTP comp with a win and scoring 2 points on every hole except one – and it hurt on the scoreboard. Scobes didn't appear to be firing too well early but rattled (literally) home all the while struggling with his line of putt. Macca, heavily strapped, had his fair share of bad shots but enough good ones to just avoid the NAGA. Walks, the fourth member of this motley crew, drove some fiery missiles early, interspersed with (too) regularly short putts but still managed 14 points over 6 holes before he hit the fire hydrant and some wayward drives for 3 points over the last 3.
• Apres golf: What a disaster! Dainty, except for one hole, managed to hit the ball straight and clockwise around the pins while he of the fat handle and others around him hit everywhere else to leave the Apres King streets ahead, money in the bank and the 9th hole abandoned.

Handicapper's Comments:

• Pedro breaks through for first win of 2009-10. Well done big fella. The Big Mac (self styled) and Scobes are now the only non-winners this season.
• The Allardice boys staking a claim for naming rights on the NAGA award.
• The Phantom continues to handle his lower handicap with a near par performance.
• Litts mangles the par 3 16th to put himself out of contention.
• The Pace Cracker puts up a brave, bandaged performance to avoid the NAGA by 1 point.
• After heeding direct advice from the Master Blaster, all were speechless as he came off the 18th in 3rd place.

Results:
Winner: Pedro (22 points)
2nd: Robin (18) on countback from . . .
3rd: Ronnie (18)
NTP: Litts
LD: Steve
Little Bounce: He after whom it is named
NAGA: Steve
Apres Putting: Litts by a mile

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

It was approaching the earliest of the season's morning starts and it was having a strange effect on at least one member. President Little, also a respected GBWGCCCG member, had felt obliged to endorse the work of fellow CCG members on establishing the GBWGC website but, regretfully, had not done so at Binningup. To make up, he requested a "group hug". Whether Scobes was entirely into the hug thing is debatable judging by the painful headlock he appeared to be inflicting on an already wounded Treasurer. Macca really has been in the wars again with a painful tennis-cum-golfing elbow but we are advised that he is in good hands.

After a quick show of hands, the vote for Mornington Masters on the Gold Coast resulted in a final decision not to proceed with that option, albeit a very attractive one.

Highlights:

• The first group produced the stars of the day. They were a close knit bunch as can be seen by the close proximity of drives on the 15th – a perfect Isosceles Trapezoid grouping. Walks went on to grab the Birdie's Nest and a golf ball after a cracking iron onto the green.
• After a Binningup blowout and a convincing NAGA win in a recent Sunday competition, Snout bounced back with a second GBW season win. Just a steady round with no frills, a couple of chip yips and two missed Birdie's Nest attempts.
• Phantom produced one of the best driving exhibitions GBW has seen – 7 rocket-fuelled missiles and a Monty with that form to take out the LD. Also connected with some convincing fairway shots but suffered a bit with the putting yips.

• Winners are grinners LD, Coke,The round, NTP

  And then there was Ronnie! Started in scintillating form with a deft 45 degree cover drive off the 1st, a donation to the nursery on the 2nd and a tree thumper on the 3rd. Plenty of angst and precious few points. Then something unusual happened – he started hitting some golf shots and his score started to mount. Even after NOOOOOOOOOOOING his ball to the 18th fairway from the 17th tee, he still raged on, hitting through the 18th green in 2 and grabbing sufficient points for a sensational 3rd spot (on countback). One could write a book . . .
• And where was Dainty while all this was going on? Just sending some great drives down the middle, wobbling a couple of fairway irons and just missing some long putts. Nevertheless was always around and pipped at the post (again) this time for a third.
• The second group had, in someone's immortal words, a "crap day". You know – good drive, lousy second; to the green in two and three putt – just one of those days. Scobes had a nightmare start and was going to join Macca by heading back to bed (?) but he improved as the game went on to grab 16 points. Pedro scored likewise, running hot and cold (golfing fever?) but just not able to string consistent shots together. Putterman couldn't get off the tee, driving hard left, Little bouncing, replicating Allardice the Elder's drive from the 17th tee to the 18th fairway and producing the trick shot of the round – a high hit into a tree which indignantly spat it back at Steves feet. No wonder they didn't appear a happy lot.
• Apres Golf: The Dainty G charity collection event was the subject of a couple of suggested modifications. The most temporary was a suggestion next week to forego putting and play the remaining (Ist nine) holes – at least while we're teeing off early and able to avoid the female rush. Of a more permanent nature was the Dainty G suggestion that Walks look into an Apres handicap system. Of a distressing nature was Pedro the Punter's suggestion that we play jackpot poker instead (the boy's on a roll).

Handicapper's Musings:

• Brilliant birdie on 15 by Walks - a yield of 1 ball from the "nest" - hardly seems enough.
• Today's favourite number was 16, with 4 out of 7 players "achieving" that score. As usual, the counback went against Litts and Scobes.
• Steve managed yet another LB, raising the issue of naming rights for this award (I mean, 4 times in the 8 weeks that this has been awarded?!). Don't even get me started on the LD!
• Handicaps held up well this week. Steve couldn't quite maintain the rage and goes out to 13 and Robin put the Binningup disaster behind him and returns to 8 strokes - a more appropriate level for a man of his silky skills. Walks was up to the challenge and answered his 2 stroke re-handicapping with 17 points, enough to stay on a career low 14.
• Litts and Robin have just one hole each to par in the eclectic (18 and 11 respectively)
• How does "petite apres putting" sound. That's looking like being a naming rights issue as well.

Results:
Winner: Snout (20 points)
2nd: Walks (17)
3rd: Ronnie (16) on countback from . . . Ga, Scobes and Pedro
NTP: Litts
LD: Walks
Little Bounce: Steve
NAGA: Steve
Apres Putting: Litts

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Another brilliant morning for GBW golf heralded the first round of the Match Play competition. For the first time in living (read my short) memory, everyone was at the tee and all first round Match Play games were played to schedule.

It was a somewhat eclectic mix before and after tee-off – dry weather yet a course bathed in moisture with greens slow with moisture and the after effects of a top-dressing; Walks out of uniform; and no power to run the reporter's camera. At least The Prez's tee-off time calculator was spot-on, the first ball struck in anger at exactly 4.59 a.m.

What a conundrum for the day – playing flat out to win the Match Play game whilst needing to "fix" the handicap for Binningup. At least one poor wretched soul managed to not succeed at the first but succeed at the second!

Highlights:

• Dainty vs Platinum: An eagerly awaited contest after Dainty's recent form revival and Platinum's stellar start to the season. There was obviously no love lost as the two combatants, with jaws squarely set and Platinum with an extra stroke on 8 holes, charged away. Platinum was reeling off some power drives, one a 230 metre monster on the notorious 13th (longest anyone can remember) while another took out the long drive, but also had shots careering into native grasses and adjacent fairways just to keep things in balance. Dainty was a picture of rock steady golf but must've cursed some short game "blues". They kept their match score very quiet until Dainty shook hands with his conqueror on the 17th and proceeded to light another cigarette.
• Snout vs Walks: A rather serene stroll around the course for these two relaxed (apparently) golfers. Snout, keen to see his revamped putting style give an advantage, knocked up an 8 on the first hole (as well as his chance to win an eventual countback as it turned out). Went neck-and-neck thereafter, though both struggled somewhat, with Snout managing to make a revamped pressure putt on the 18th to tie the hole, draw the game and lose on a countback. Walks had a mixed bag with some long drives, Little Bounce contenders, great recovery from an adjacent fairway, and a number of putts that "just missed by that much". Both had chances to take a match-winning lead but couldn't pull them off.
• Ronnie vs Scobes: It was a contest between the joint record holders of the most number of NAGAs this season – Scobes "continuing 6 ugly weeks of golf" and Ronnie "convalescing" after injury. Suddenly, Scobes was 3 down after 3 holes and showing great club launching qualities around the 13th hole - a 15 metre heave that outpaced his chip shot. Three 7-shot holes along the way didn't help as he succumbed to the improved Master Blaster. Ronnie was showing glimpses of his old self, with greater control of his drives as he drifted them long around corners interspersed between a few NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOs. Starting to work his way back to form and, with generous consideration for the rest of us, drifting his handicap South while the handicap of his hapless opponent drifts North.
• Pete vs Macca: Macca looked to Scobes in his foursome for inspiration under adversity and dutifully obliged, also going 3 down after 3 holes and 4 down after 5. It was on the 7th hole that Macca came brilliantly to the fore with a masterful chip-in from off the green to keep the contest alive for fully 10 seconds until Pete potted a putt for par to seal the deal. Macca's belated brilliance continued on the 18th, landing 2 on the green . . . .and then three putting! Meanwhile, Pedro was a picture of focussed concentration on his competitive Match Play game. Nailed it at the 16th with a drive onto the green but just failing to sink the birdie. Reportedly pleased with the win but not so pleased with his game.

Handicapper's Comments:

• Scobes joined the ranks of double NAGA winners with what could be a record margin (5 strokes)
• Ron maintained a well worn GBW tradition by staging a last to first effort in consecutive weeks
• Macca failed to take the chance of a 5-ball haul on the 18th with a missed birdie putt –- followed by a missed par putt
• Pete produced a sensational eagle during Apres Putting to set up a season first win.

Results:
Winner: Master Blaster (Net 33) on countback from . . .
2nd: Putterman (33)
3rd: Pedro (35)
NTP: Master Blaster
LD: Stevo the Heave-ho (2 in a row)
Little Bounce: Master Blaster
NAGA: Scobes
Apres Putting: Pedro prevailed, this time in an official run-off.
Match Play results and draw

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Top 'n Tail

It was the first of the season's majors and all who could be there were on a blustery and rather chippy morning. The Prez was mightily impressed to see a full turnout wearing the "away" strip – makes him feel as though his words are actually being heeded!

Unlike another less significant event later in the day, there were seven favourites for this event, all at odds of 6/1. Those odds remained unchanged even after a late change to the race track

Highlights:

• It was a popular win, even in the weepy eyes of last year's winner. Putterman, after an unfortunate pause in his exhilarating putting style last week, stormed back with perfect timing to take out the Wembley Spring Classic – his second Classic success. Though he had a slowish start and took out his usual revenge on the Wembley trees, it was his superb putting when it counted – 12 putts all up, one-putting most greens – that earned him an impressive 22 points, the trophy and a hard boiled egg. WELL DONE STEVIE (and he's toning down his Binningup handicap!).
• Scobes snuck silently in for an impressive second with 20 points. Had a remarkably consistent scorecard – 5, 5, 5, 5, 4, 4, 4, 6, 6. Might've set a course record if the last two holes went to pattern and he'd scored 3's (an eagle and a birdie!).
• Snout seems to have found some form being quickly out of the gate and snaffling a birdie and some good putts. Nobbled himself in the home straight with a wipe on the 18th.
• Pedro was looking the goods after 3 thirds over his last three starts. Was in sizzling company, though, and did well to cross the line just one point shy of playing to handicap. Definitely a consistent stayer.
• Litts and Macca were just outside playing to their usual standard – it's a touch thing. Dainty chalked up a par on the 10th and then struggled a little to fine tune the rest of his round. Macca started out like a train but somewhere after the 11th became somewhat derailed but not before attempting to take out the caretaker's shed, only to see his ball Little Bounce out of the thicket to the fairway. Still trying to explain where the NTP marker got to at the critical time.
• Someone's making a habit of either winning the NAGA or tying for it. Ex Master Blaster is having a nightmare run, even tripping himself up on his own buggy. Appears to be stuck with an outside run and facing the breeze. Obviously trying hard to find form but has at least found handicap form leading up to Binningup – out from 8 at season start to 12 (not that anything is being implied here of course).

Handicapper's Comments:

• After 6 rounds we finally have a multiple winner.
• Compliments to the curator – Wembley is in fine condition
• Yours truly can't wait to get his new putter grip – will provide another piece of equipment to blame for lack of putting prowess.
• Expect putting in next week's Match Play to be a challenge on "sanding + 12 days" greens.

Results:
Winner: Putterman (22 points)
2nd: Scobes (20)
3rd: Dalbs (19)
NTP: Dainty (apparently)
LD: Steve (also Wood Man)
Little Bounce: Macca
NAGA: Ronnie
Apres Putting: A mini version took place with Pedro prevailing.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

It was a club first – 7 cars in the car park and all of them GBW. The first time we've had the course to ourselves. Which is just as well as Scobes roared recklessly into the car park, having slept thru' the alarm and making it from bed to bay in a mere 20 minutes (part of the way with a police escort, apparently).

Allardice the Elder was a happy man – pleasantly reunited with his own parking bay but not pleasantly reunited with his golf.

It was also the last game for the Tundra Terror for a while, but not before he was presented with his very own club cap. Chris confirmed his next outposting in (or Strezhevoy for the uninitiated). Safe journey Jacko – we hope to welcome you back at Christmas.


Highlights:

• After a somewhat slow start to the season, it was almost ordained that the club's
  Mr Consistent should come good. And come good he did with a sub-par net 35 to take out the round win and, in the process, putt his lights out to post an impressive (and probably record 9-hole low) 13 putts to steal the Golden Putter from two other likely hopefuls. Well done Prez!
• Macca continued on from the form he showed on the 18th last week (who will ever forget that pace cracking 140 metre iron to within an ace of the pin?). Couldn't withstand a countback decision for a win but working up good form for Binningup.

• Pedro is staking his claim to permanent third placegetter with
  his third third. Showed remarkable consistency over the GP rounds with net 37's and back-to-back
  17 putts. With Walks absent, saw a great opportunity for another Long Drive win and really gave it
  the tonk. As you can see, it set a record for the shortest long drive.

And then an unusual virus hit the rest. Finally diagnosed as Swing Flu, it decimated the scores of a hapless five.

• Least damage was done to Jacko and Allardice the Younger with net 41's, the former used to
  flu-like (cold) conditions. Steve didn't spare the trees, knocking up three Little bounce contenders
  (and winning hands down) while his putter also contracted the bug after being in contention for
  the Golden Putter playoff.
• The flu' was most vicious on three of the club's creaky sexagenarians – Ex Master Blaster, Scobes and Snout – who tied for the NAGA with net 45's. At least Scobes had his "ping" putter vaccinated, turning in another fine 15-putt effort but just nudged out of a GP win. Ronnie didn't let the moment put him off his trick shots – chipping just off the green on the 13th and sending Pedro's ball, in brilliant billiards 'in-off' style, into the hole.

OOGA BOOGA GBW

After game activities had a few highpoints, including:

• An unscripted version of the "wet bum" manoeuvre by the club Vice-Captain
• Someone who eerily matches the physical description of the aforesaid, who asked "Where's it being played" when told that next week's fixture was the Wembley Spring Classic
• A highly animated and very amusing discussion about the handicapper's treatment of his own handicap after the Par Bisque round (a real case of "go figure")
• Another close fought win by Dainty after yet again fighting off a pesky Pace Cracker for the Apres Golf comp.

Handicapper's Report:

Golden Putter: In a titanic struggle (ignoring the fact that the Titanic went to the bottom), the winner was Dainty who was just too steady for his only real challenger, Scobes – the rest of the members were too distraught with their performance to attend the after play press conference. Well done to Dainty with 28 putts, winner by 1 with Macca a further 2 away in third place..

Other: Todays scoring was dreadful, with only the 2 "countbackers" bettering par (by 1 stroke). There were 5 net scores over 40, including 3 on 45!.

Results:
Winner: Dainty (35 net) on a countback from . . .
2nd: Macca (35)
3rd: Pedro (37) – SNAP! from last week
NTP: Pedro
LD: Scobes (no other offers)
Little Bounce: Steve (again). It seems the more you hit the ball into the bush and the harder you hit it, then your chances of obtaining LBs increase accordingly.
NAGA: Dalbs after a 3 way countback/forward
Apres Putting: Dainty
Golden Putter - Week 2 results

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Perfect conditions greeted the first round of the prized Golden Putter. Either some brave soul arrived very early to secure the head of the cue or Joe Public isn't as keen as in previous years. Whatever the case, an almost maximum field was in high spirits except our newly restored Master Blaster. He struck a VERY solemn pose and, as it transpired, those tremulous feelings he harboured severely affected his game (as the results will show). The cause? The club President had parked illegally in the bay specifically reserved for the van. Witnessing such gall put Ronnie off, so much so that it took him several attempts to reverse into a new and totally unfamiliar space and destroyed the tough mental approach to his golf game.

Balancing this tragic state of affairs was the continuing and welcomed appearance of the Tundra Terror who we keep saying goodbye to . . . .

Highlights:

• From Iron Man to Wood Man and now . . . . Putt Man. Though Stevie managed to carve up a few trees along the way, his ability to recover out of the woods and his fine display of pitching and close-in putting earned him a great win today (a net 31) and a share of the Golden Putter lead (15 putts). Steve seems to be moving in on the (unfortunately absent) Little Master's habit of popping up when the big comps are played. Well done Putt Man!
• Snout seems to have acquired some form and is actually playing to, or bettering, his handicap. Started over the first three holes by cunningly placing his ball just off the green (two of them in regulation) then three putted the lot. Happy to say no clubs whistled thru' the air, the putting improved, and a net 35 was enough for second spot.
• Pedro continues his generally consistent form slotting a creditable third (net 37) and regulation putts. Started with a burst, having driven into the sand on the 1st but grabbing a birdie from this precarious lie.
• The Pace Cracker looked the goods, having witnessed his superb long iron to the 9th green which landed within a foot of the hole – such latent brilliance. Must have rued his 10 on the 15th (5 over) when he was but 9 over for the rest of his round.
• Jacko was still whacking some consistent golf but he must be ruing a slow start. Took a 7 and 8 on the par 4 and 5 2nd and 3rd holes (6 over) while cruising to only 5 over for the rest. Loves the cool mornings.
• The Phantom continued his topsy-turvy season start but obviously saves his best drives for the LD hole, his third for the season.
• Dainty and Scobes tilted into the net 40's, Prez being decidedly unlucky with a lost ball on the 18th which couldn't possibly have been lost; and Scobes having a horror start – 11 over for the first 4 holes and only 2 over for the rest!
• The Ex-Master Blaster, through circumstances previously discussed, had a horror round. One could talk about the concrete seat he set out to destroy on the 2nd, the various hooked and pulled drives that scattered trees, or the putts that sailed agonisingly close to the hole but never dropped. Instead, his succulent drive long and straight down the 4th followed by the sweetest long iron that just missed hitting the flag and dropping for an eagle is how he would like the round to be remembered.

Handicapper's Report:

Golden Putter: You could throw a blanket over the field at the half way mark of the Golden Putter (Some would say that might be a reasonable suggestion). Narrow leaders at the half are Steve and Scobes on 15, with Macca and Litts on 16. Ron and Jacko have work to do next week (19 thus far).

Other: Animated commentary about this week’s handicaps prior to tee-off has been duly ignored by the Handicapper. Due to poor light, the main complainer was not definitely identified and no further action will be taken. Infrared cameras may be installed to provide positive ID in case of future transgressions.

Apres Artisan

Results:
Winner: Sponsor Steve (31 net)
2nd: Dastardly Dalby (35)
3rd: Pedro the Fisherman (37)
NTP: Scobes the Scrambler
LD: Whacker Walks (his third!)
Little Bounce: Mercurial Macca
NAGA: Raging Ronnie
Apres Putting: Dainty Desmond
Golden Putter - Week 1 results

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

You're kidding me. I won with a +6?

A dry but somewhat overcast morning heralded the start of the season's once-only Par Bisque fiasco. No one took up Ronnie's offer to explain in detail the PB scoring system, preferring to remain blissfully ignorant and score it that way. And so it proved with one senior and, until now, revered member taking that approach too literally (see Handicapper's Report below).

Although there was little breeze, the trees could be heard sighing in relief when the news that Wood Man was a non-starter was announced. Little did they know of the capable replacements yet to come.

Highlights:

• The A team of the three Ga's and Jacko were first to tee off, the latter's drive disappearing into the thicket and a deep foreboding permeated the air. How wrong that proved as the Tundra Terror recovered to purr his way around in an unassuming yet consistent round of 42 off the stick! Not bad for an 11 handicapper (but not now!!) and an impressive +6 even considering Par Bisque scoring eccentricities.
• The three Ga's had mixed success, both on the course and on the score card with Prez proving his usual model of consistency on the first 7 holes, staying even with the card before a couple of minuses coming home, but not enough to nick the NAGA.
• Macca and Phantom reportedly had up-and-down rounds but still managed to finish in the "up" with +1's, with Walks ensuring the trees would sway in fright next week after bruising one or two and entering a Little Bounce nomination. Macca did more damage off the course having incurred the wrath of the handicapper . . .
• The A+ team of RA, DS, PB and RD generally tried their hardest to belt balls into the woods on their travels but generally found that the trees were sighing in pity and, in an unusually high number of cases, deflected the intruders back toward playable lies close to, or on, the fairways. The one exception off the tees was the Master Blaster who threw off his "Ex" label with some prodigious straight hitting (especially on the 18th) and only one prodigious "Noooooooooooooooo".
• Scobes couldn't take a trick in most aspects of the game and didn't bother the scorer too often. The intense pressure of an 8 handicap was etching at this sturdy veteran who didn't have as much tree pity, as one hit was sent rocketing back to its starting point by a tree with an apparent grudge. Scobes finally succumbed and considered that getting his NAGA out of the way early was the way to go.
• Pedro puttered along with some typically powerful shots interspersed with a nice even temperament, particularly after his lofted drive off the first threatened rain and the ladies tee. Snuck in with a nice +2.
• Snout had mixed success, crafting in a 7-iron to edge out an unlucky Prez on the NTP, hitting some straight irons and short putts but generally fluffing drives and fairway woods and sputtered to a +1.
• Apres golf was a nip-and-tuck affair with Snout, Prez and Scobes left to fight over the last couple of holes. The Silent Assassin finally pounced on a fair sized purse – a great way to cheer him up.

Handicapper's Report:

Par Bisque scoring is likely to be higher than standard Par scoring due to the ability to allocate strokes as preferred. Consequently, all handicaps have been adjusted on the basis that each player had a 1 stroke better outcome than would have occurred using standard Par.

On checking cards it was discovered that Macca had used 14 strokes of handicap when he only had 12 available. Having signed for an incorrect score (+3 instead of +1), he was duly disqualified. All records will show a score of +1 because the handicapper couldn’t be bothered going back and changing every bloody spreadsheet table. This will have no effect on Eclectic or Masters points.

Results:
Winner: Chris Jackson (+6)
2nd: Ronnie (+3)
3rd: Pedro (+2)
NTP: Robin D
LD: The reborn Master Blaster
Little Bounce: Scobes (self-annointed, after a close contest with Walks)
NAGA: Scobes
Apres Putting: Scobes (YES Scobes!!)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Another excellent turnout on a crisp but fine morning with only Top End Tom unable to make it and anyone with a desire to win a game relieved about that. The Prez got a little excited about the prospect of winning without the Little Master's presence and upended his top end buggy before making it out of the car park.

The morning was particularly memorable for the presentation of a book of Walks's pictures from the 2009 Mornington Masters made to the photographer himself. It was part of Walks's 60th birthday memorabilia from the GBW boys. Our thanks to Steve for his invaluable part in arranging the printing of a very high quality publication. Our unbridled consternation at Dainty's post-match observation on the book . . . . "Sorry it's all about me!"

The President Little Tee-Off Time ready wreckoner was spot on today (as he was quick to point out) – the predicted 5.35 a.m. tee-off being the exact time the first group stepped up to the tee.

Highlights:

• Most of today's group were hit with Middle Course Mania (MCM) as they started and finished reasonably well but blew out over the middle three holes. Those who avoided this phenomenon took the glitz.
• Snout (net 33) showed a welcome return to the winner's list after a long drought with some steady golf, a reasonable short game, some good luck and a great group to play with. Avoided the MCM.
• Dainty (net 34) reasonably expected to take the money after a 40 off the stick, including a birdie on the 11th. Quite a form reversal after his surprising NAGA last week and definitely avoided the MCM.
• Scobes (net 35) also continued to do his handicap damage with consecutive weeks of sub-par golf. The Silent Assassin just cruises quietly along finishing just out of reach of the weekly top spot.
• Pedro, Jacko and the Pace Cracker all netted 38s. Only Pedro avoided the MCM, a slow start (9-over on holes 10 to 13; only 4-over for the rest) bringing him unstuck. Jacko was even after 3 holes then caught the MCM (8-over in this stretch); while Macca went 9-over on the MCM holes and only 5-over for the rest.
• The Allardice boys tied on net 39s. The Wood Man hit some great long and short shots for only his second outing after a long golfing break but still battered the trees to death and caught the MCM (8-over on these holes). Allardice the Elder was somewhat afflicted by MCM but not before he snared his second Birdie's Nest on the 12th and one ball from kitty.
• And then there was The Phantom. Sunk a 15 metre putt from out of the rough on the 10th, hit a monstrous drive to slay the other Long Drive hopefuls on the 18th and suffered from MCM in between. His short game continues to frustrate but a net 40 guaranteed the NAGA.

Handicapper's Report:

Eclectic/Consistency is still meaningless at this early stage (next week)

Another Birdie's Nest to Ron – now has the 11th and 12th in his keeping. This has reaped 4 balls in all for the Ruptured Ribbed one. Another birdie also today – Dainty on the 11th – too late mate!

Results:
Winner: Robinho (33 net)
2nd: Dainty (34)
3rd: Scobes (35)
NTP: Robinho
LD: Walks (again)
Little Bounce: Steve (weight of numbers)
NAGA: Walks
Apres Putting: Dainty

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

To quote from 30 September 2008's first report "WE’RE BACK! Another eagerly awaited season has driven off in conditions that threatened rain but only produced a brief shower. Even the almighty powers respect GBW opening day." How prophetic is that? It begs the question: "Should the club be considering changing the formal attire rules for Week 1 to include wet weather clobber?" Now there’s something we don’t have in GBWGC design!

It was a record season opening turn out with a double figure attendance. Allardice the Elder looked fit and eager after his rib-rattling escapades down South and Belter Baldrey was back in harness after his crook back came out of the harness. The Tundra Terror again timed his travels to perfection (as he did last year) while The Little Master obviously put the boys off-balance by his surprise (and eagerly greeted) arrival, sufficient to enable him to take off today's win.

The President (Limelight Little) did the honours in style with a pretend ceremonial tee-off with the golden tee immortalised at the 2009 Mornington Masters.

Highlights:

• Top End Tom© obviously had no qualms about continuing on from his award-winning 2008–09 style with a 20 point effort. Probably quicker than the rest of us to warm up, given he spends so much time in the Darwin sun.
• The Pace Cracker was apparently unaffected by the cold wet weather as he careered around the course in short sleeves with not a goosebump in sight. The second of three to chalk up 20 points but finally got the goosebumps after a countback
• The Phantom started the year in great style, completing the trifecta of 20 pointers. Though claiming his drives weren't quite the rocket-fuelled variety, that of the 18th hole certainly was as was his second onto the green. He just missed the birdie putt and a bucket full of jackpot Birdies Nest balls.
• Jacko and Scobes both exceeded their handicaps with 19 points. Chris played some very steady golf on his very steady 9-hole knee, finishing off with some great mid-range putts; while the Silent Assassin puttered along scoring consistently even though weighed down by the anchor on his Dockers jacket.
• The Wood Man's round deserves special mention. Never in the history of the GBW have so many drives finished under so many black-boys nor so many iron shots hit so many trees, one of the latter clatters a clear Little Bounce winner. To Steve's credit, he kept his cool and still outscored four others in the process garnering 15 points in his first-up serious game since his Mornington Masters triumph. Also ripped it to the 18th green in 2 but couldn't grab the birdie.
• Three players, Ronnie, Snout and Pedro, thought they were fighting it out for the NAGA with somewhat indifferent displays. Ex Master Blaster probably had the high point, taking out the first Birdie's Nest for the season on the 11th hole – and 3 jackpot balls to boot. All were relieved to find that . . . .
• . . . . the excitement of the ceremonial start and pressures of office were all too much for the Prez who notched up a very rare (for him) NAGA win.
  
  [© D. Scoble]

Handicapper's report:

Eclectic/Consistency/Order of Merit are meaningless at this early stage.

Three Divisions appear to be developing at this early stage of the season:
Div 1 – TopEnd Tom, Macca, Walks, Jacko, Scobes
Div 2 – Most of the rest (no names to limit embarrassment for those concerned)
Div 3 – Dainty

Results:
Winner: Top End Tom (20 points) on countback
2nd: Macca (20)
3rd: Walks (20)
NTP: Pedro
LD: Walks
Little Bounce: Steve
NAGA: Prez
Apres Putting: Rained off