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Events | Administration | Members | Records | Previous SeasonsWeekly Reports: Season 2016–17 Your report fast track . . . Tuesday, March
28, 2017 There was a sniff of winter in the air with coats and vests in plentiful supply. And the number of Joe Publics at the 10th tee was also in plentiful supply for some unknown reason. It was the same six from last week aiming to snatch the Golden Putter, with a seemingly calm Dalbs holding a slender lead. The workers decided who would join their hallowed company and Macca was the Anointed One. The hint of magic appeared on the 10th green, Macca notching his first 1 putt. And then sanity prevailed, for a time, five consecutive 2-putts proving he was only human after all. But wait. More anointment was rubbed on and the magic short stick fairly sparkled as 1-putts found the centre of the hole over the closing three greens and the sneaky sod had quietly crept up behind an expectant Dalbs and Jacko and GAZUMPED them for a brilliant maiden Golden Putter triumph! Of course it didn't stop there as Dynamo savaged the course and the opposition for a 5 stroke runaway win in the penultimate round. CONGRATULATIONS MACCA.
Jacko was somewhat expectant after a real up-'n-down putting round that saw some "easy" putts just miss and long to mid-range putts drop. It was "go figure" stuff with two 3-putts and a Macca-matching four 1-putts bringing him home with a competitive 33 putt total. Dalbs was also Maccaesque (to a degree), rattling off five consecutive 2-putts before a bit of Jackoesque 3 and 1 putts saw him finish also on 33 putts. Ronzo and Walks had their putters to thank after the longer clubs were proving too hot to handle. Ronzo was the most spectacular with a record(?) 10 strokes on the 10th followed by a triple on the next and par (with an NTP) after that. He was so up-and-down, his partners feared an attack of vertigo. Walks finished the season claiming the title of Mr Inconsistent, his troubles between tee and green just refusing to go away. The Mr Consistent title over the last three rounds could be claimed by Squancy who made his third consecutive podium finish with superior tee to green play making up for a regulation 36 putts over the GP contest.
Tuesday, March
21, 2017 Back to Hamersley for the all-but-penultimate round of yet another stellar season. Miracle Macca was rounding up the fees while Ronzo accepted and dealt out Mornington cash. Then it was off to the 1st with freshly polished putters gleaming in the dappled light for the running of the Golden Putter.
It turned out to be a split round – the 'below 50s' and the 'above 50s'. Dalbs and Jacko had outrageous starts, both on the green facing 20ft putts – and both sinking them! It was the first of Dalbs' four pars in an extreme round which saw his best 6 holes travelled in 2 strokes over and the remaining three in 9 over (that moggy short approach game). Jacko had no such wobblies, that consistent stride and rhythmical swing knocking out just two doubles and monopolising the novelties. Squancy, deprived of golf for a fortnight, teed off with a superb pull shot to the boundary for four and the dark clouds looked like gathering. It was to be the first of only two doubles as he got back in the groove to play a consistent round that mirrored Jacko's but had the slightly better finish for a countback success. All three came in below 50 strokes gross. And then came the above 50 strokes gross . . . Miracle Macca wasn't the least bit bothered by past physical issues. It was trying to dispense with the number '7' on his score card which dominated his first 3 holes. Though he settled the ship for a time, that tsunami '10' on the par 5 6th washed away hopes of a podium finish. Walks is still out there searching, not so much for golf balls (though that did play a part) but for that elusive form that was going gangbusters prior to Mornington. And Ronzo, despite some awesome drives, kept muzzling his followups, almost to the point of hiring a greenkeeper to follow along repairing his divots! Despite the up-and-down form and particularly the vagaries of the recently cored and sanded greens, there were only 7 3-putts in 54 putting episodes. Walks took the consistency prize: all 2-putts; and only 2 putts separate the field. It'll be down to the wire next week!
Round Results:
Tuesday, February
28, 2017 A superb morning for golf – cool and not a breath of wind. Five takers for a last chance at the 'Mornington Move' . . . and there were some pretty impressive performances. When Squancy strode purposefully to the tee and whacked it fair down the middle, he'd started a chain reaction. In the words of a passive observer: "I've never seen him play as well". Squancy was hitting them sweetly in all parts of his game, hitting par, birdie, birdie, bogey in one of the most impressive efforts over the opening 4 holes to have 14 points on the card and be 1 stroke under par. There were a couple of doubles – that's golf! – but nothing could detract from a terrific round and a run-away win. Ronzo, posing as a passive observer, couldn't see the wood for the trees, and he hit plenty of the latter in a round made most notable by two observations: this was his 4th game using just the one ball (Incredible!); and he posed as Squancy's fitness adviser, the lad spending 90% of his round looking for Ronzo's ball. The star of group 2 was that perennial point scorer Jacko. Hampered a bit by a few wayward shots off the tee and fairway, he couldn't quite notch a par today. After a steady run home on the 18th for bogey and 3 points came the horrific realisation . . . "Damn, I just did myself out of an extra handicap stroke!" But his playing partners left no doubt they'd get a handicap rise. Scobes was labouring under the discomfort of "gardner's back", managing to point the ball roughly in the right direction, his 4-iron getting a solid work-out down the fairways but ineffective at scoring points. Finally warmed up at the 3rd but was still restricted in his swing, wiping two more holes before collapsing into a clubhouse chair with a jar of Mentholatum "Deep Heat" and sipping on a pain-numbing coffee. Dalb's miserable form continued despite his back feeling fine. The bush took more of a hammering than the ball and THAT short game . . . (but not a single club chuck!).
Round Results:
1st: Squancy (24)
Tuesday, February
21, 2017 A big field for the first of (for some) two "Mornington Moving" days, and what a "moving" day!! A shower looked threatening but nothing (as it turned out) to match that of Merciless Macca in the Match Play Final.
Match Play Final: Macca began the day with a 7 stroke buffer but, as history will show, he didn't need it. It was a wobbly (nervous?) start as Macca finally potted it for double bogey and Dalbs eventually fluffed his way into the hole for a triple. It was about then that the "Fit hit the Shan" as Merciless pounded them down the middle from tee and fairway and plonked his putts relentlessly for par, par, bogey and 4 up after 4. Suddenly . . "Where's Macca?" as he disappeared into copious amounts of bush at the 14th and Dalbs clawed one back before a role reversal at the 15th and Merciless Macca was Champion with 4-up and 3 to play. It was at this stage that Dalbs finally came good, scoring 57.143% of his points over the final three holes. CONGRATULATIONS MACCA on not only the 2017 Match Play title but also today's round win! A close analysis of final scores gives the impression that Mornington must be getting close. The handicap average after today (11.5) jumped back up to November 2016 levels. Walks made it a little too obvious, shooting just 4 shots over and 11 points after 5 holes before a "fadeout" that didn't quite do enough to gain a handicap stroke but still snaffled second place. Little Master was up-and-down, down at the start but needing a "subtle" finish to appease the critics. He achieved that with a fabulous par (for 4 points) at the last while cunningly staying in the zone to gain a handicap stroke. And what of the other (apart from Dalbs) who failed to make the podium – Ronzo, Steve, Jacko, Scobes and Squancey? Their efforts weren't quite that obvious or quite that memorable, apart from:
It really was classic Mornington Moving day. Round Results: Match Play Final: Macca def. Dalbs – 4 and 3
Tuesday, February
14, 2017
Ronzo was acting strangely. And the group had gathered in the car park to gaze at his strange behaviour as he began asking obscure questions such as "Who won the inaugural Burswood Trophy?" (blank faces). When "Who is the only person to make the podium in all Mornington Masters he's played?" was posed, a timid, narrow-shouldered, Yorkshire-eared, red-faced snout dragged his weary frame forward to the announcement that he'd made it to 350 games with GBW. A Certificate to prove it was presented and most gratefully appreciated as others stood around murmuring "Poor bastard" "Sucker for punishment" "Should've known better" etc. etc. And then we were off to do it all again, with a Match Play between Scobes and the 350-game veteran a must see. Match Play Semi: Scobes showed his Burswood talents with a winning toss and belted it down the right side while Dalbs, who enjoyed a 3 stroke advantage, actually hit one long and straight. After slightly wayward seconds, Mighty Mo pitched it up just missing the pin while Dalbs pitched it up just missing the green! To add insult to injury, he putted it on and in while Scobes just missed his putt and the thin man was a lucky one-up. That was the start of some good fortune, Dalbs hitting a series of relatively solid shots and some telling putts to par 3 of the next 4 holes and go 3-up while Scobes had 2 pars but the 2 doubles didn't help. It was stroke for stroke until the 17th and that initial 3-up lead sealed the deal.
Tom and Chris were witnesses to the Match Play ups-and-downs. The Little Master had his fair share of ups-and-downs throughout his round but that solid metronomic strike was more noticeable this week, scoring a couple of three-pointers in the latter half to better his handicap and steal second spot. Jacko was first up then down, being at his consistent best over the first 5 holes for 3 pars and 13 points before a run of three doubles took the edge off a potentially damaging round – but still finished to handicap. Walks has been in great form and today was almost no exception. Up to the 16th hole, he'd smashed and crashed his way to an 8-over and 16 points and was lying 2 just off the green at the 17th after a 220m drive! Five short shots later he'd wiped! And, after lying on the 18th green in 2, he 3-putted. Had he "tanked"? Is that how the expression "Weak as Walker" came to be? But, he still almost took out second spot. Squancey continues to threaten some serious damage to his handicap and it's a pleasure to watch the way he thumps the ball. But, before a couple of "loose" holes popped up, he was only 6 over (and 17 points) for his best 7 holes! Ronzo played "crap" but did enjoy his Long Round Results: Match Play Semi: Dalbs def. Scobes 3 and 2
Tuesday, February
7, 2017 RAIN . . . forecast again? BUT WAIT . . . the BIG van just pulled in (so it must be a fair weather morning) as did the Indian Convertible and the Journeyman's mobile wardrobe. Then came the question: "Where's Macca?". Flat tyre? Flat out? Flat broke? Even more disappointing was Phantom's news that the Pace Cracker was having a spot of hip trouble (not of the wallet type). Some rest and a fair bit of Peta pummelling and we're confident he'll be good to go again very soon. And so the Club Championship became a contest between four – three of them somewhat hopefuls – with a 5 stroke margin separating the leader from the rest of the field. "Congratulations Chris" said Ronzo as he strode to the 10th tee and blasted away to open proceedings. The three "9 holers" took off in varying styles, none more spectacular than the Little Master who thumped a well executed pull shot toward the 18th fairway. Recovered well but my spy tells me that, overall, he didn't play that well collecting along the way a new nickname (Sandbagger) and being serenaded with that familiar tune " . . . Rockin' rollin' ridin', Out along the bay, All bound for Morningto(w)n, Many miles away . . .". My anonymous spy was happy with aspects of his game (apart from two triples), particularly two excellent drives one of which left him just 120m from the green on the second hardest 343m 13th leading to par followed 3 holes later by sinking a 32ft putt on the par 3 16th for birdie. Squancey was playing particularly well over the first four holes, only 2 strokes over and amassing 10 Stableford points. It was then they realised it wasn't Stableford which obviously threw Squancey out of rhythm, belting a quintuple and a triple to cruel what was otherwise a 5 over for the remaining 7 holes.
The atmosphere amongst the Fabulous Four was relaxed. Scobes (par) and Walks (bogey) were the bolters while Jacko and Dalbs looked decidedly "off touch". Walks had kind ricochets from a couple of wayward drives as he let loose, belting some great 1-woods off the fairways and hitting clean irons in a round ("My best in 2 years") that included 4 pars and just 1 double for a 42 off-the-stick and a net 30! It was a stunning turnaround from his net 40 the previous week and achieved a notable success – winning three of the last four championships. CONGRATULATIONS WALKS. Jacko seemed a bit out of rhythm, particularly over the first two holes (4 shots over). He desperately tried to keep his game in tact and was successful mid-round before a couple of "grubbers" at the last. He was naturally disappointed but, despite playing to handicap, was up against an irresistable effort from the Phantom. Scobes had his game reasonably under control, keeping it mostly straight off the tee and "ping"ing in the putts. His reliable short game peaked at the par 3 16th, a neat chip 4m off the green zeroing straight into the hole for the second birdie (after Ronzos effort). Scobes challenged, going 1 under today, but not enough to make up the difference. Dalbs was never in the hunt and struggling to find both the fairways and the hole. Not noted for consistent efforts in the big events.
Club Champion: GRAHAM WALKER Round Results:
Tuesday, January
31, 2017 It was bizarre. Continuous rain . . . an empty car park but for the GBW boys . . . no lining up behind the regulars at the 1st . . . it was just US. A whole 5 of US, possibly the lowest number to contest a premier event. Wet weather gear, umbrellas and a soggy score card were the norm as a threesome then twosome played the first to become a fivesome out of sight of the clubhouse. And the heavy weather made for some heavy golf except for . . .
It wasn't quite a toddy, but the after-game coffee was refreshing and (go figure) the rain had kindly eased!! Leaderboard at Halfway:
Results to be offically recorded:
Tuesday, January
24, 2017 A cool gusty breeze soon warmed up and made it a pleasant morning for playing at the magnificent Joondalup layout. A promised $79 round suddenly inflated to $89 (in a volatile economy) and sundry players were seen warming up by hitting practice balls in a club first. Nae was one exception in a welcome return to the GBW tee, preferring to keep us all guessing about his form. Steve slapped him with a 16 handicap and it was a mad dash to the Quarry 1st. The round was played in two halves (for most). Quarry lived up to its tough reputation, all of us struggling to shovel ourselves out of trouble at various stages. The leading score at the turn was just 13 points shared by Macca, Steve and Dalbs. Some notables included:
Lake proved the salvation for all but the roving reporter. Nae had finally warmed up, reaching boiling point at the par 5 4th where, lying two just off the green, he potted the putt for EAGLE and 5 points! It was made even more impressive when the realisation dawned that the total points scored on the hole by the foursome was 5 points! His 5 shots over for 21 points sealed the deal and his second Joondalup win. CONGRATS Nae. Peg Leg burst out of the blocks with 4 points and, apart from the aforementioned par 5 4th, was long straight hitting, straight putting, non-limping Ronzo who smacked one more 4-pointer before finishing with an impressive 20 points to tie with Mighty Macca. Macca's was (almost a Joondalup) classic – a birdie on the second for 4 points, wiping two holes and smacking par on the testing 9th hole for another 4 points. He was ever so close to his second Classic win. Steve was getting ominously close to that big hitting, chipper chipping, putt sinking form with an 18 point result marred by one wipe. He could be tuning up in perfect time for early March! Our equal lowest handicapper-for-the-day Jacko just couldn't get the momentum up, churning out a series of bogeys and doubles. He headed "the rest" in a group plagued with wipes, particularly an ashen-faced Squancey (7) and Walks (8) who both struggled over the Quarry journey while Dalbs 3-putted almost every green. Results:
Tuesday, January
17, 2017 A chippy summer's morning and a cheery welcome greeted the feared Iron Man returning after copious plum pudd and the pleasures of a new piece of machinery for Christmas. He made the ninth player for today's stoush and Captain "Phantom" Walker, also after an albeit brief absence, was quickly into stride organising ". . . 3 groups of 2". And the much awaited Match Play clash between Steve and Dalbs was about to explode into action. But first things first. Pinky had manufactured some impressive shots toward the end of last week's round and things were looking good for this week. But, as the old saying goes, "You're only as good as your last haircut" (or beard trim) and bumpy travel over his first two holes was seemingly supporting this. But then he hit a groove, belying the old saying and sailing home over the next 7 holes only 6 shots over!!!! As the first group trudged down the 18th hole came a series of thunks as ball ricocheted off trees. It was Pinky's drive and we thought perhaps he wasn't fairing too well. It was one of few blemishes in a 21 point round that produced his maiden club win. CONGRATULATIONS BRIAN! Match Play: Dalbs held his breath and closed his eyes as Steve drop-kicked his drive a considerable distance to the right of the fairway while Dalbs, still with eyes shut, drove it long and straight into the left trees and struggled thereafter to immediately be 1-down. Steve's (out of season) drop-kicks unfortunately continued while Dalbs settled into an unusual pattern – hitting drives and irons reasonably straight and actually making good putts to par 4 of the next 6 holes. Steve continued to be out-of-sorts and, even on the one occasion he tied with Dalbs, the thin man had an extra stroke, going on to win the tussle 4 and 3 before fading out while Steve started to fade in with some of those powerful blows he's renown for.
Scobes was giving Brian a run for his money including an assassination attempt at the 11th. The Silent Assassin (so called because of his innate ability to sneak under the radar with unassuming golf to take out his wins) added extra meaning to the tag as his second shot from the middle of the 11th fairway tugged left and headed straight for Pinky's head. The target first moved the head then stumbled to one side foiling the dastardly plot and going on to get the last winning laugh. Scobes continued on, struggling somewhat to hit the ball cleanly but still knocking them down the middle, chipping a couple to within 6in. of the cup and putting really well for a second today.
Results:
Tuesday, January
10, 2017 A stunning morning for golf – warm with little wind. There could've been a little wind up at the Allardice the Elder household, however, his non-attendance (sore toe?) more likely the result of his penchant for Par (NOT!). The scene was set for some memorable golf. As the collective age of the six players has grown, so has the memory begun to fade and no one could recall many moments of memorable golf. Little Master seemed out of sorts, knocking out two doubles and a triple to be 9 shots over after 5 holes. Whether it's the soothing effects of this Indian Summer, no one can be completely sure, but the balmy warmth set off a chain of golfing shots that produced 4 pluses over the last 4 holes played in just two shots over and he'd charged to an unassailable lead for his maiden season win. It was in stark contrast to his fellow players, the group of 3 managing only 5 pluses between them, Jacko producing the only other as he struggled to maintain consistency. Poor lad played his best 6 holes in only 4-over – it was the 10-over on the other 3 that I suspect did the damage. Macca was going around in circles, all 7 of them (squared holes, that is) but blew out on two other holes. Fortunately they were early in his round and that made the difference when it came to the countback for NAGA with Jacko prevailing.
Squancey was a bolter. He's not on a low handicap just for his good looks! Powerful driving, strong iron play and firm putts and he'd reeled off 4 pars over the first 5 holes (I'm not mentioning his one triple). Suddenly the vagaries . . . and three closing doubles as the shots misfired and the minuses negated the well-earned pluses, but it was still enough for runner-up status. Pinky threw in a couple of hand grenade 9's but they exploded early and he started to settle into some pretty impressive shots over the closing holes. Was particularly pleased to be able to execute shots as he'd planned them, sufficient to show that he's gradually working his way back to some handy form. A more slightly built form was trudging alongside, trying hard to keep his game under control but still duffing a few chips at crucial times and firing the odd drive into copious trees. Dalbs sympathised with Squancey on the home stretch, blowing out on two holes to prove a non-contest in a countback for third against a rampant Pinky.
Results:
Tuesday, January
3, 2017 WELCOME TO 2017. A new start and a new starter made a most welcome appearance. The Canberra number plates gave it away and justified the wearing of the Light Blue away shirt (pending finding of the Darker version!). Pinky was in town and keen to wield the willow. It was an impressive field of 8 players, including Nurse Scoble, on a balmy morning before the heat set in.
The A-team took off in mixed style with Scobes the star (par!). The Mighty Mo continued the par run for the next two before the vagaries of this tantalising game saw a splattering of doubles but he'd already done enough to help him beat his handicap. Macca started in similar vein but also got infected by the Scobes Scourge of doubles, one of which occured on the 15th. After a mis-hit third came the whack of club against buggy. It was something to be behold by one who knows the feeling (and the relief it brings) all too well. Speaking of which, Dalbs was into the doubles early (3 of the first 4 holes) with no relief in sight. Funny how sinking a 15m putt for birdie (and 4 points) changes fortunes, the lad careering over the last 5 holes with straight hits and accurate putts to amass 16 points at the right end for countbacks (as it turned out). The Little Master was struggling with his timing early and the Scobes Scourge held for 4 of the first 5 holes (for just 7 points). And then the vagaries as he knocked out 9 points over the next three in a display more reminiscent of the "old Tom". Someone should've tried to convince Walks he was at Peninsula. Instead, he instantly fired and par/birdie/par/bogey later he's 13 points already including a missed 'easy' putt! Even Walks couldn't explain it, but made a good fist of explaining the mishits from tree to tree to tree for a wipe on the next before coming home with a wet sail over the final two but just not enough to claim the countback. Jacko was "steady-as-she-goes" over the first 7 holes in a fine display that netted 4 pars and 18 points (and just 3 shots over!). A little volley of 3-putts did the damage but not enough to stop him reclaiming that prized 8 handicap and a podium place. Squancey was having his first crack at playing an 8 handicap and he looked quite relaxed about it all, executing almost every drive well. Some finishing issues that brought on the Scobes Scourge on 4 holes made the difference but it was good experience. And, after a 6 month leave of absence, we weren't expecting big things as Pinky strode to the Hamersley 10th tee – and he delivered! The driver understandably stayed in the bag for the first five holes as he strode along that part of Route 66 favoured by bushwalkers. But, as the morning warmed up, so did Pinky in a sign that his golfing mojo is not far away.
Results:
Tuesday, December
27, 2016 Ahhhhhhh . . . cool weather for the annual Visitor's Day – and a short heavy shower even. We swapped the heat for a strong and flukey breeze that caused some havoc for the group assembled. The good old course looked in good nick while the other "good, old" and his popular golfing son were missing. So it came to pass that 6 players fronted the first tee including the Little Master's nephew, Anthony. And just when we thought Tom was the last of the Joseph Clan golfing dynasty! Anthony played A-grade cricket but gave that up to concentrate on his golf. What were we in for? The first shots of our lead group almost gave a clue to their fortunes as Squancey belted it down the middle and stayed pretty much on course for an impressive 21 points (and 4 pars) at the turn. Just 1 par but 17 points coming home and he'd amassed an impressive 38. Jacko immediately went bush but that "never say die" approach and great scrambling ability saw him out-score his buddies on the first hole. Had a reasonable trot on the rest of the journey apart from the nemesis of the "number 7" which appeared five times for three wipes and saw him finish mid-field. Walks's been "hot-to-trot". Did that booming first drive foreshadow more of the same? Unfortunately for him, it was one of his more memorable momentsin a round which was otherwise plagued by the "number 6" (all 10 of them) of which three were played out on par 3's! When a group of slow-moving ladies let our threesome through at the 11th, our boys were keen to show them their golfing prowess at the 12th. After Squancey kept his shirt on and belted it down fairway right, cool dudes Jacko and Walks pummelled theirs into the lake! Not fazed, Walks knocked his second attempt also into the lake. It was just not his day to impress.
The man who did impress was the guy who " . . . certainly looks like a golfer" (according to one GBW pundit). Anthony Joseph, Tom's nephew, negotiated a 10 handicap to contest the event. Yours truly was fortunate to make up the third spot and bear witness to the natural sporting talents of a young man foregoing A-grade cricket to concentrate on his golf. Rattled off 6 straight pars with strong and pure ball striking, including with his new, previously untried $200 hybrid club, just to warm up. Finished the outward trip with 7 pars and 22 points. Opened uncharacteristically with two doubles before settling back into par hitting territory (6 of the remaining 7), demonstrating the odd terrific out-of-the-rough shots, to take out the day's comp. Uncle Tom was having nothing of this par business, settling slowly into rhythm after a sustained absence. Slipped into gear on the inward nine though, par on the hardest hole for 4 points his signature play. Dalbs was inspired by Anthony's antics with par for 4 points on two occasions. The short game still stuffed him up but that's "par for the course".
Results:
Tuesday, December
20, 2016 The club's first outing at Marangaroo and the first for a few of our brothers at the 17th running of the slightly chipped Christmas Cup. Jeff was in town and made a most welcomed appearance. Macca willingly signed his life away for the carts and we were off to the 1st to be the first off . . . until someone forgot to tell the foursome of ladies who gazumped us. Still, it provided breathing space for Ronzo to wax lyrical about:
The first volleys were fired, and they were omens as 200-game Steve thumped it down the middle followed by Walks and Ronzo. It proved to be the "Walks of old", his claiming of today's LD indicative of the solid hitting that produced 2 pars and a birdie for 45 off-the-stick and a round of 22 points that included 1 wipe! Steve had a secret desire to win on his 200th game and his sensational play over the first 7 holes saw him only 4 shots over the card and with 17 points to Walks' 16. Steve's only blemish came at the 8th and Walks drew level on points (as Steve despaired "This pr_ck won't go away!"). Walks played a blinder 9th, lying 2 on the green after reusing the driver for his second off the fairway, and putting for Eagle (Ronzo the only person to score an Eagle and, wanting it to stay that way, muttering to himself "Miss it Walks"). Walks did get the birdie for 4 points and the Cup, and his joy runneth over. And privileged to watch the action was Ronzo who reportedly played an "average game".
Squancey and Dalbs also played "average games" with the odd mishit and duffed shot but it was the missed short putts that proved the most costly. The third trio member, Macca, was taking time warming up . . . and then came the par 3 4th. Squancey's drive was straight at the pin and all were convinced the club had it's first hole-in-one. Macca and Dalbs followed suit, the latter finding his ball just thru' the green while Macca lay 2.5 m from the pin and Squancey a similar distance past the pin which his ball must have just missed. Macca got the bird (4 points) while Squancey suffered one of his round-killing 3-putts. Scobes had a mixed bag over the first 3 holes before, BINGO, he also did a "Macca" on the par 3 4th for 4 points. Managed to mount a mini charge over the closing holes to play to handicap and pip 2 "average" players for the third podium spot. Jacko struggled on both par 3s, the 9th and all of the greens in an atypical round, but still retained that smile despite the disappointments. And Jeff didn't disappoint, with lots of variety in his bash that proved too much to be able to notch a score until everyone's favourite par 3 4th. Started to get into the swing by the 6th, almost at risk of showing his partners up.
Tuesday, December
13, 2016 Jaunty Jacko reports that . . . Numbers were a little down on the day for what all (in the second group anyway) agreed was probably the best day of the season so far, weather-wise. With only 5 starters, the “workers”, Ronzo and Squancey, formed a group of 2 and took off in a flurry of clubs and sprayed shots, to be sighted occasionally in the distance. The silence accompanying their round was a constant reminder to the following “bludgers” that, despite the diminished field, a good score would still be required to win. Ron played steady golf to post mainly bogeys and pars in + 4 for the first six holes, leaving himself sufficient strokes to use to return a +1 over the final three for a total of plus 5. Jacko made a charge with bogeys at 1 and 7 and pars from 2 through 6 for +7 but with no strokes left for the final 2 holes, he finished with +5 for second place, a fortunate situation as it turns out otherwise he would've suffered a 2-stroke handicap cut!. Walks made up the rest of the podium, struggled a little with direction but still returned a +3 with 2 strokes left in the bank after carving out a great par on the last. Squancey didn’t quite have the touch of the previous week but did just enough to avoid the NAGA on a countback. Macca showed touches of form but flirted a little with trees. Still there, with three holes to go, but the head-to-head with Walks proved too much pressure and chances of a podium finish disappeared after that. Results:
Tuesday, December
6, 2016 So much talk of Presidents and President-elects and Presidents-in-Waiting. But, on President's Trophy day, we were having none of it. Besides, the magnificent morning for golf took
"There's something about The Karrinyup Kids went head-to-head in a side comp., Macca bursting out of the blocks in swashbuckling style with bogey/par/par while Dalbs swished and wished and was down 8 points to 6. His wish came true at lucky number 13 with birdie for 5 points and each fell into a mid-round slump before a last gasp hole which saw Dalbs maintain his 1 point lead for a trophyless win. Ronzo couldn't maintain last week's rage in an up-and-down round that featured a birdie (for 4 points) at the 12th to amass 5 points after three holes! Joined in the "mid-round slump" before an almost religious revival on the home stretch to be just pipped out of a podium place. Jacko and Walks played out a keenly fought contest to decide today's NAGA. Jacko just couldn't seem to get going. Despite stalking each shot and making careful shot preparations, the ball obviously had other ideas and 4 doubles over the first 6 holes did the damage. Steadied the ship over the closing holes to restore some decorum and do just enough to stave off a NAGA countback with Walks. The big fella has been shooting the lights out in recent rounds but today there were a few short circuits (and one or two long ones thru' the bush). A valiant 4 points at the 17th wasn't enough to save him from NAGA, but we think this was just a glitch in the Walker armoury.
Tuesday, November
29, 2016 Again chippy to begin with, otherwise a perfect morning for a spot of Match Play with little wind other than from the usual suspects. It turned out to be a North of the River v's South of the River contest with 2014-15 champ Macca taking on in-form Squancey and "Tradie" Scoble returning temporarily to the retired life matched against Mr Consistent. The Southerners were each giving 4 handicap strokes to their opponents. What could be fairer from the point of view of a North of the River reporter? Match Play: Both games were tight affairs, each going into the 18th hole all tied up . . .
Without the pressure of Match Play, Ronzo and the Phantom enjoyed a lovely walk in the park, both hitting a good number of their trademark power drives, scrambled well when required and putted with purpose. Ronzo was only 1 shot over after 3 holes but craftily threw in a few doubles to keep his score "respectable" while Walks started a little slower but was just 4 over after 5 holes. His triple at the 17th softened what could've been a scary score. Under circumstances eerily similar to last week, had the opportunity to win the day, his ball lying " . . 3 metres from the pin in 3 and watching distraught (for Walks) as his putt . . . " missed by 'that much'. Dalbs? Well 3 pars brought respectability to the final score but there was plenty of fluff anf duff in-between but not enough to distract his all-conquering playing partners. Results: Match Play:
Tuesday, November
22, 2016 A chippy morning with jumpers and vests and only 1 week out from the official start of summer! NICE. But things were hotting up, and we hadn't even left the carpark. Macca's buggy was in a twist, looking decidedly lopsided and unfit for duty. Jacko's mechanical mind and Walks's hefty hammer came to blows with the errant equipment which immediately gave up and Macca was off like a shot to the 10th. Unfortunately Macca's shot from the 10th was off and that pattern seemed to haunt him almost the whole journey apart from a great par at the par 3 16th. But he was pleased that at least the buggy steered a straighter course. And Ronzo was not faring much better. Despite all but one drive departing for the bush and the recovery shots disappearing into bush on t'other side of the fairway, the course echoed with only one NNNOOOOOOOOOO! It truly was a brave show of self-restraint under trying conditions. And the Walks, still basking in the afterglow of his Binningup Open win, seemed distant as were the gaps between par and his score over the first three holes and he lay -3. Suddenly he was back at Binningup, playing the next 6 holes in only 6-over off the stick for +10. At the 18th, he lay 3 metres from the pin in 3 and watching distraught (for Walks) as his putt fell agonisingly short, settling for 2 points rather than 5 which proved crucial at the final reckoning.
Squancey cannoned off the 10th and kept repeating the fusillade at regular intervals, his 240 metre drive at the 13th one of his best. The only blemish was a triple at the 15th which could be excused after the euphoria of birdie at the 14th. Fairly pummeled his putts into the hole, only needing self-admonishment for an errant really short putt on one hole! Is in form and could be the next to Results:
Tuesday, November
8, 2016 Seven starters, perfect golfing weather, and the Home Course in immaculate condition. Please note that a decision was made to conduct today’s round ‘In Camera’ and as a result there is no pictorial evidence of the event to protect the guilty. It was anchors aweigh for all . . . until realisation set in that no one wanted to lose strokes before the Binningup Extravaganza. Except, that is, for the two Seniors battling it out in their Round 1 Match Play pairing – Ronzo and Macca. More of that later. With his usual logical approach, the Captain sent off the three non-workers plus Ronzo in the first group, and the other three workers made up the second group. Using similar irrefutable logic I have decided to discuss the Worker’s Group first. The foursome, Ronzo and Macca playing match play and Jacko and Walks filling the support roles, had an interesting round. Jacko was the only player to play politically correctly, and pick up after achieving a minus score. He managed a typically good round for a fine +2 and second spot ahead of Steve. Jacko wiped the par four 13th and correctly didn’t record a score but could reasonably be estimated to match Steve’s leading 45 off-the-stick score. Walks was his usual slashing best in the driving department but played too many Dalby-like chips in three holes resulting in triple bogeys. A big showing by the Captain in the Binningup Open is a likely follow-up however. The Match Play was close throughout and was not resolved until the final hole. Dormied going into the eighteenth Ronzo had a two foot putt to force a countback, and who knows how to do that in a Par event? Macca sunk his five-footer to finish a 1-up winner. Ron couldn’t manage to score a Par event and did not submit a score card so a protest from him is not an unlikely event. Let’s analyse their performances today: Ronzo’s reasonable game was spoiled by wayward trees interfering with his performance on the 14th and 15th holes resulting in scores of 9 and a 7. This seemed to give Macca some heart and his par and bogey on those two holes ended up the difference. Ronzo scored 51 off-the-stick while Macca managed a surprising 46 to win the event with two pars and 5 bogeys and charges off to Binningup another handicap stroke lighter – very poor course craft by the winner today! Results:
Tuesday, November
1, 2016 It was the Allardice Armistace – both called to arms in a different location; while Scobes was under starters orders with a Call to the Post. It left six of the best for a Stroke contest, with the Game of the Day being the only Match Play. The season's first Match Play saw the Little Master up against Squancey, the latter giving his opponent 2 handicap strokes. The start was, unbeknowns to the two players, riddled with controversy. After both had teed off and were away in pursuit of their impressive drives, one of the second group – Team Squance's official backer and team lawyer, Justice Jackson – lodged a protest. "Mr. Joseph who, I grant you, did play an impressive round at Royal Wembley for 22 points, should have had a 2 stroke reduction in his handicap as a consequence. I put it to you, Mr Handicapper, that a grievous harm has been done to my client which could have the cumulative effect of severely jeopardising his chances in today's contest". Mr Handicapper, pleading only a "Stand-in" status, was flummoxed and now full of self-doubt under JJ's steely gaze. As the third group member and joint club founder took a step back with that "Don't ask me" look, the Handicapper turned to his last resort – Technology. And there it was, in clear, unambiguous words . . . "Losers: lose 1 stroke if scoring net -1 or better". Technology never lies. The club founder had the final word: "If you ask me Mr Jackson, I'd judge your protest to be frivolous, scandalous and mischievous. Case dismissed".
With the little ink I now have left after that affair, I can report that JJ's protege leapt to an early lead. After each played steadily to bogey the 9th, Squancey hit form going 2-up after 2 impressive pars. Little Master found some steady form and clawed it back to square as Squancey went bush too often. At the 15th, both players were shaky but Squancey got back the upperhand with a double bogey win. After each shared 16th with bogey, both played the 17th well but Squancey sank a clutch putt to inch Little Master out by one shot, going 2-up with one hole to play to claim the overall win. Only one shot separated them at the end of the round after handicaps were deducted. Watching over the action, when he wasn't searching for his ball in the rough, was Walks in a season that, to-date, has been a tad frustrating. His quadruple at the first wasn't his best start.
Dalbs was bush-bound at the start bit still managed to scramble 2 bogeys then par. Loving this. Then . . . AAAAGGGHHHHH (with apologies to Ronzo) . . . a 9! That's done it. But then, despite more wayward hits, the successful scrambling managed 5-over on the next 5 holes (it wasn't pretty) for an unexpected win. Much shaking of heads over coffee. Jacko and Macca weren't faring much better, Jacko starting with a triple then double as the ball did what it liked. He was more wayward than normally expected but also scrambled well at times to keep the score in check. Macca had some solid drives and some deft play but three holes got away from him (10 shots over) and it was all a bit frustrating.
Tuesday, October
25, 2016 Beautiful weather but a slightly down-at-heel course compared to the superbly maintained Hamersley and Collier Park layouts we have become used to in 2016. Squancey was a late scratching leaving 7 to contest the Classic. And the workers were having a financial windfall, subsidised by the 4 poor old pensioners. Speaking of workers, where was Tom? High-tec Ronzo was on the phone in a flash, redirecting the Little Master back from Hamersley – he'd proven to be an able substitute in Scobes' absence! As Macca the Hack(a) saw it . . .The first group, consisting of the Youngest, the Oldest and the bearded Middlest, led the seven competitors off in the Wembley classic. The first hole set the scene for how the boys would finish - Steve parred for three points with a reasonable drive, a great approach and sound putting; Macca hit his drive down the middle and fiddled a bit for a 2 pointer and Walks lost a ball but still scrambled a score. The hardest-ranked 12th hole saw some excellent golf – Walks chipping in from the fringe for a five point birdie; Macca holing his par in regulation, and Steve icing a great putt for his par. The chemistry of the eclectically-aged trio continued with Steve scoring three points on all but his two two-pointers to finish with an exceptional 25 point winning score from 42 strokes. Walks was solid, except for three one-pointers with some waywardness on the middle holes, scoring 20 points and just breaking 50 off-the-stick. Macca wiped one hole and scrambled from a couple of bunkers in the middle holes but still came good for 21 points, and third place from a 46 off the stick.
The second group, consisting of the Youngest, the Oldest, the Oldest and the Oldest skipped away early . . . except one! It wasn't Ronzo, who cannoned off the first tee and maintained his powerful drives almost to the end in a vintage display. Just let a few approach shots and the odd putt get away but still played to handicap yet still managed to collect the wooden spoon! Little Master tried to throw us off the scent with an initial drive into the far trees. But he couldn't disguise that steady, consistent swing that produced some great driving, finishing off with some firm putts to be 14 points after 5 holes. Two 1-pointers over the closing holes disappointed but it was another fine knock. And Jacko was his very-omnipresent self, opening with a fine par and consistently punching out those mostly straight drives and solid irons and struggling at times with the putter but still hit a 43 off-the-stick (3 pars) in a fine round that just couldn't withstand a countback (again). Dalbs . . . well, the expectation wasn't quite up to the execution, the slugfest over the first 3 holes producing 3 points. It still wasn't pretty but, of all things, the short game held and 16 points over the next 6 holes saved him from another NAGA Results:
Tuesday, October
18, 2016 A very orderly assemblage at the 10th tee just didn't cut it. The greenkeepers had to have the last say. There was one to remove the tee box markers and one to drive the tractor pulling the sprayer that was upchucking some hubble bubble mixture made of eye of newt and toe of frog. We stood well clear and shivered in a biting Southerly while Salvador Scoble was away painting up a Renaissance storm at Lawler Street.
The workers, including Macca the Barista, eventually tip-toed onto the 10th tee after watching two early-bird seniors tee off beforehand, and it was game on especially for Ronzo – a magnificent drive that cut the corner to perfection, and he continued to drive well and finish well for a par and 6 bogeys off-the-stick; Squancey – with a mighty heave off the tenth followed by fluctuating fortunes on the easier holes and pars on two of the hardest; Macca – with a wayward start, a wayward middle hole and some damn fine scoring otherwise in a Jeckle and Hyde start to the season. A contender today for both NTP and LD and knocked off in both!!; and Steve – unfurling an amazing "45-degree-right-high-over-the-trees-somewhere-into-the-carpark" doozy after which he did manage 2 bogeys and offered to sell his clubs for a bargain price and was not happy Jan . . . but that's all I'm sayin' (again). The follow-up act was an eclectic mix of a worker, a weather prophet, two Match Players and the thudding of balls off trees. Little Master charged out of the blocks (par) then blocked out of the charge (dble) then charged (par) then blocked (triple) then charged (par) and, in a desperate bid to nail the 18th . . . blocked. Was it fatal? Weather or not Jacko could steal the show depended on weather he could overcome a wipe on the unlucky number 13th. Despite 3 pars and 4 bogeys (ots), he just couldn't weather that storm. Meanwhile the two Match Players were playing a storm of their own. After two holes, Dalbs was 2-up over a slightly more wayward Walks and, after squaring the 3rd, Walks got it back to square over a slightly more wayward Dalbs. It was not pretty, as Dalbs regained the lead after a triple at the 15th! It remained that going into the 17th with both playing some recognisable golf to be on the green in 3. Dalbs sank the putt for par and Walks's just fell short. And the Match Play draw was restored to equilibrium. All the real action took place at the after-match gathering as Captain Walks wrestled with 3 countbacks for 1st, 3rd and 5th. Finally came the announcements . . . Little Master 1st (collective groans – who'd tell the great man he'd been countbacked again!) over Ronzo; Jacko for 3rd over Macca and Squancey for 5th over Dalbs. Auditor Jacko did a final check and . . . presto . . . Ronzo took out 1st (collective cheers) over the Little Master. "Indian Giver" cried Tom and stormed off (Jacko couldn't prevent that weather change) while Macca was 3rd over Jacko and Dalbs grabbed 5th over Squancey. Coffee went down extremely well.
Tuesday, October
11, 2016 After the mass handicap surge following the Seaview round, there were a few handicap strokes to be fiddled in the first of two season Par Bisques.
If you thought that explanation was confusing, spare a thought for the Captain after today's proceedings as he tried to sort multiple countbacks to establish the finishing order of yet another almost full house turn-up on a fine, cool morning. Ronzo was cock-a-hoop as he roared out of Hamersley with a +5 up his vest. But little did he know the little that we know! It wasn't until Walks abandoned his iron after a Dalbyesque mis-chip, took out the putter for a 20 m putt onto the green and finally potted it with 3 handicap strokes up his sleeve to finish with a plus to Ronzo's minus that our revered Captain announced himself the winner on countback. Macca was the only "volunteer' game enough to ring the Great Man with the Bad News. Squancey was hitting some great golf but the par 5s gave him grief after a minus on one and electing to square the other. With our top two scoring 7 +s and 2 -s, the squared hole proved the difference in a closely contested round. Macca, with a slow start and rattling finish finished just out of the money on a Captains Countback while Scobes, with some walloping drives, and Little Master doing a slightly less efficient "Macca" were middle of the field. Dalbs, of the woeful (today) short game and Jacko, who cursed the three holes that got away, were staring at a NAGA title. But they weren't up to the consummate performance of Pure Platinum. Steve had a howler of a day . . . and that's all I'm sayin'. Results:
Tuesday, October
4, 2016 It was the fourth running of the Championship and a record equalling 8 players massed in the Seaview car park while, 14 kilometres north, Scobes was massed in the Hamersley car park. Fifteen minutes after a monophobic phone call, the white people mover screeched into Seaview and a record attendance, of Morningtonesque proportions, was introduced to tailored score cards and perfect Jacko weather. The season was hotting up. Walks was behaving strangely before todays round. So . . . what's new? But then he doesn't often carry his vest around in a suspicious manner. And he's a man unaccustomed to public speaking. This was obviously something extra strange . . . and BIG. After setting the scene, Walks unzipped the vest to knock Steve's socks off by revealing a canvas of that classic Binningup direct image . . .
Who could explain the collective struggle today? Seaview was in the best condition in living memory, there was little wind (I didn't hear any) and the sight of some local wildlife got the blood flowing. The surfeit of sand and some healthy rough strewn with impressive weeds were a handful but, still, no one could put a complete round together. But we did have fun . . . didn't we? He was a whole 2 points after three holes when coming to the conclusion "I should've stayed in bed". Then came the inexplicables of golf as Steve careered home with a spring in his step and at least had saved face with 15 points." DAMN! Blew my chances with that slow start". Meanwhile, someone in the last group was striding out with a string of bogeys over the first five holes for 11 points. We'll never know if it was the distraction of local wildlife along the 3 ocean holes, but Jacko suddenly faltered managing only 1 point. " DAMN! Blew my chances with that slow finish". But it took a countback to separate the two for the title as Jacko was heard bemoaning over a flat white " DAMN! Blew my chances with that slow finish". Remaining completely unflappable, except for the ears in a breeze, Dalbs slashed away with diligent Army golf before scoring just over half his points in 3 holes. Murdered it at the 9th to blow his chances but that's just the way the day seemed to go. Perhaps it was the effect of the Jungle Juice while away that slowed him down for 6 holes but then Little Master came home strongly while Walks went in bursts and coughs but showed no signs of jetlag. You could tell the season newcomers as Ronzo and Scobes struggled to make any impression (other than some hefty divots) early but did warm up to the occasion while our great white hope, Squancey, flew out of the blocks with 10 points over the first five before also succumbing to the "local wildlife along the 3 ocean holes" effect. Macca was obviously stimulated by these distractions with an 8 point burst along the beachfront but otherwise struggled to make an impression, except in a few bunkers along the way.
Results:
Tuesday, September
27, 2016 Does nobody trust Jacko's weather prowess? It might appear as though the rain had set in but, when it came to tee-off, no one does it better than Jacko as clouds cleared and a perfect morning for golf ensued. The sight of the big black beast and it's driver the big white beast (aka Steve), looked positive. However work commitments drew him tantalisingly away but not before Platinum presented this year's GBW Direct Image score cards fronted by the 'Gene Sarazen' golf swing. THANKS AGAIN STEVE. You guessed it! The fabulous (Winter/Summer) four were back again for that true test of golf – good temperament (oh, and Stroke). One player failed both today but . . . first . . .
Results:
Tuesday, September
20, 2016
A rise in status and Jacko looked the part of "Captain". Well, he did stride to the tee for the season's first hit so that must've qualified him. And into the right trees it went, while Macca and Dalbs went left and Squancey went traditional . . . down the fairway. Dalbs, with niggling back soreness, followed his sister's advice . . . "Swing slowly" . . . and for the most part it worked, helped by some lucky rebounds, an unusually adept short game – including a chip-in from off the green at 11th for birdie and a long putt at 18 – and, of course, that generous handicap which now seems to have shrunk. Jacko seemed keen on joining Men of the Trees, his usually straight missiles off the tee going somewhat awry. Not on the 11th, though as he too snared an impressive birdie in a more traditional approach. Great scrambler when seemingly in trouble, knocking out yet another consistent 18 points. Squancey powered some great tee shots and some not-so-great and great irons and not so great and some great putts and not so great in a round that bordered on not so great but looking ominous if he gains consistency. Mighty Macca, as befitting the cold start, was in warm-up mode. With just a singlet and club shirt to ward off the chill, it was taking a few holes to generate heat and get some consistency going. Hit some cracking shots, deft chips and sank a few good putts but the holes ran out before he had a chance to really hit his straps.
Results:
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Round Results:
Drive and that special shot at his NTP par 3 while Macca, not currently enjoying peak physical condition, hit a few worm burners and kept slewing them right. Was it the knowledge that his son-in-law had just won $1,000 that had helped put him off his game? 
Squancey (3 pars), Walks (3 pars), Jacko(2 pars) and Little Master (1 par) all gave playing to handicap a nudge and having their moment in the sun while Macca couldn't get going until the 15th was was still all smiles despite just being nudged out by Steve for today's NAGA.
Jacko was near silky smooth as stand-in Captain, reeling off the countbacks and setting the scene for Walks to return to his position of purgatory.
Presentations were one of the best. You had to be there to appreciate it, but perhaps the last word belongs to the man at the epicentre "There must be a way of getting rid of this job!". CLASSIC.
And as coffee and eats were being eagerly woofed down, Macca trudged in having made the trip to convince your reporter that nothing should be said about his mistaking the start time as 7.20 a.m. which explained why he and Andrew were absentees. And, as he went to all that trouble, I intend saying nothing about it.
Results:
Results:
equal the club low handicap which Jacko reached after a modest yet convincing round of 42 off-the-stick including 4 pars. His only blemish occured at the par 3 16th where he seemed confused about which green to attack, his drive finishing just below the 15th green. Hardly ever strayed off the tee, was relentless in the pursuit of the right shot for the situation and buoyed by his great temperament. Speaking of which, Dalbs could take a lesson from Mr Consistent after some mediocre efforts which included a never-to-be-repeated fairway wood that travelled minus 0.5 metres and 3 classic duffed chips. His one consolation – it obviously didn't put his playing partners off!!
Results:
appearance.
Results:
And overlooking the wayward proceedings at the 9th was the familiar figure of The President. A great surprise (particularly for the Little Master who suddenly found himself in a power vacuum) and much welcomed. So, while three of the workers took off to make a contribution to our age pensions, the President gathered the rest of his flock and retreated to the local cafe for hot (72 degree) flat whites.
And there was no one left to share a coffee with the winner.
Strange feelings as the first thing you noticed on Season Opening day was no BIG van, or black Merc, or Pink Convertible, or powder-white people mover or even 1CAR. BUT, the usual were there . . . the Winter season squad morphed into the Summer season mob. What quality, what goosebumps (it was real chippy), what unbridled enthusiasm for the new season. It was good to be back with the much anticipated Pinky joining our weekly ranks, Binningup beckoning, trying a new Christmas Cup course and the excitement of Mornington 2017. There's no business like GBW business. The only pressure point was whether the forthcoming weekly reports could reach the high standard of jovial Jacko's jaunty Winter jottings.
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