Weekly reports: Season 2008–09

To fast track to the report for a particular fixture, just click on the fixture date below . . .

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A very small field for the final event which featured the semi-major Handicappers Mug. Only 4 starters attempted a start at the planned venue. Wembley, however, was a shambles – front 9 of the old course was closed and a 24 hour wait to tee off. Attitude of Pro Shop staff was such (i.e. lump it or leave it) that the group repaired to Peninsula where it was walk on and hit off (at 7.15). Course in beautiful nick, Pro Shop staff friendly and weather perfect.

It being primarily a teams event, Walks and Dalbs took on the might of Scrapper Scoble and The Little Master both of whom had been showing hot form in recent weeks.

The round was a nip-and-tuck affair with Scobes continuing his latest bad habit of scorching his drives down the middle of the fairway; TLM walloped some great drives and irons and sank the putts that counted (though I think all of them counted); Walks creamed some drives and long irons but had a few short game setbacks in-between; while Snout Steered a steady ship over the first nine and then hit the iceberg around the second nine sending shivers up his spine and one or two clubs a little bit through the air. Though the Walks/Dalbs ensemble vaguely remember being one point in front at the turn, they were mowed down over the final two holes with Scrapper and TLM winning a well-earned Mug and free coffees courtesy of the two gracious, condescending losers.

Results:

Four ball better ball stableford pairs (Mug)
1st: Tom/Scobes 46 pts
2nd: Dalbs/Walks 44 pts

Individual
Winner: Scobes 39 points
2nd: Tom 32
3rd: Walks 31
NTP: Tom
LD: Tom
Little Bounce: Dalbs (again)
NAGA: Dalbs

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Our “farewell to Hamersley” game was greeted by shortened 10th and 11th holes on a fine cool morning and a full roll-up (Bunter excused).

Highlights:

• The Master Blaster, fresh from his Lazarus-like win in the Match Play, continued to show that his uncanny ability to get out of trouble was no fluke. Hit some booming drives and irons, sunk some well-read putts and extricated himself out of some awkward spots with nonchalant ease. Is slipping comfortably into some great Mornington form with a good win today after a third then second placing in his last two starts. The MM Form Guide is being rewritten.
• Snout showed some good signs of a form recovery after a golf lesson with “Butch” Mills at Wembley threatened to rewrite the club’s maximum allowable handicap for 9 holes. So confident is the lad in his new found swing technique that he’s prepared to offer lessons at a discount to members during the off-season!
• Walks returned relaxed and suntanned, still smoting some great drives and irons. If the short stick hadn’t let him down, his R&R would’ve just about sealed him a win rather than a creditable third on countback from TLM. Masterfully coaching and recruiting his way to Mornington.
• The Little Master continued his on-again-off-again form, fighting his way back from last weeks NAGA to be pipped for third. Indications are he’s not sure which way to move with his pre-Mornington handicap.
• Iron Man left no doubt about his latent ability to smack the ball. Belted a monster to take out the LD. Even some of his wayward drives had plenty of length. Is playing some pretty consistent golf in a great finish to his home-and-away season.
• Scobes, Litts and Macca were all in the minuses today but you wouldn’t have known it judging by the smiling faces and unfaltering humour on the 19th.
• Apres putting was a fitting finale for the daintiest putter of the year. A clear winner of this year’s prestigious after-game event.

Injury Report:
Pedro is back home feeling heaps better and buoyed by the success of the operation. The nurse has a soothing bedside manner and Pete reports that the food is a “bit better” than hospital fare. Will take at least three months before he’s let loose on the golf course.

Handicapper’s Report:

• The Presidential anchor really did go over the side this week.
• The Pacecracker is firming in the market for Mornington after trademark pre-major event inexplicable bad run. All going to form.
• Master Blaster looking cherry ripe to tackle the difficult links layouts of Mornington. As predicted last week, now looks a definite threat for the big one. Has been re-handicapped to second top weight, even though this week was his first win of the season. Expect load protest from connections over this harsh treatment.
• The Little Master’s form rollercoaster continued. Will he be up or down when Mornington week arrives? Bookies remain perplexed.
• Iron Man keeping his handicap in order prior to the big one.

Results for today:
Winner: Ronnie +4 His maiden victory for the season.
2nd: Dalbs +3
3rd: Walks +1
NTP: Litts
LD: Steve
Little Bounce: Scobes
NAGA: Litts
Apres Golf: Litts

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Little Master was about to front up to his second appearance in a club major in as many weeks. The Editor was about to front up to a major blunder in last weeks report where he stated . . . “It was TLM’s maiden Club Championship win”. Not sure which drip tray he was in when he wrote that, but the facts are that today was TLM’s 4th Championship win. While the rest of the membership murmured ‘who gives a twisted fig’, the Ed was clearly suffering from a case of . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It was perfect weather for a Match Play shoot-out final between TLM (who else?) and his mild mannered, quietly spoken yet supremely confident adversary Ronaldo (“just give me a round ball”). No bets were taken but the trees seemed to whispering “Get Shorty”.

All this preamble paled into insignificance, however, when Macca arrived on course marginally unprepared for hostilities – merely left his clubs at home!

Highlights:

• Our ranting roving reporter tells us in surprisingly few words that today’s Match Play was a titanic struggle and possibly one of the best played in the club’s short history. It was all tied up at the last hole. The Master blasted his drive into the bush and all appeared lost. As luck would have it, the Master recovered well from a bad lie while TLM couldn’t close out the hole and was pipped at the flag. Ronnie won 1-up as well as taking out second place on the day while TLM stole the NAGA. Well done Brother Superior!
• Scobes, without glasses, proved today that his recent top form was no fluke. A second last week was the platform for another great round of golf. Hardly missed a drive, struck his irons well and ‘pinged’ in some good putts for an effortless win and 22 Stableford points. Hot-to-trot for Mornington! Watch the Form Guide for this pacer.
• Macca must’ve been inspired by the standard of Match Play as he careered around the course for 21 points, just missing out for 2nd spot on countback.
• Snout (20 points), Iron Man (18) and Dainty G (17) completed the field of seven. Snout’s round was saved by the putter; Steve played well to his handicap; while Litts flew a few right of target but was pleased with the round overall considering his 4 handicap.
• No Apres putting today after failure to produce a critical mass.

Injury Report:
It’s Pedro’s week. By the time you (eventually) receive this missive, Pete will be sleeping like a baby with the operation behind him (literally!). The first step to a return to golf next GBW season.

Handicapper’s Report:

• Ron is building up nicely for Mornington with a third consecutive podium finish. Form guide and market for Mornington under drastic revision.
• Four players (out of seven) modelled appropriate behaviour and ignored their potential handicap advantage for Mornington by manfully playing below par and taking a handicap hit (well done Ron, Robin, Macca and Scobes).
• He who led the chorus concerning the likely appearance of the Presidential Anchor quietly threw away the Matchplay title to ensure a more generous impost for the east coast foray (possible handicapper discretion to be employed).
• Litts battled manfully with his severe handicap and is out one stroke. Probably closer to reasonable with MM coming up.

Results:
Winner: Scobes 22 Stableford points
2nd: Ronnie 21
3rd: Macca 21 countback
NTP: Ronnie
LD: Dalbs
Little Bounce: No nominations
NAGA: Tom (he who is first shall be last!)
Apres Golf: No starters

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The pressure was on The Little Master who headed a star-studded field into the make-or-break round of the Club Championships. The familiar cry “Get Shorty”, an echo of the recent Binningup bash, was rampant. TLM played his little master stroke, letting an extra group sneak in front who proved a rather tardy lot at the start enabling his jittery nerves to settle before the first blow was struck.

Highlights:

• The Little Master breezed home with a net 34 to take out a great Championship win – a total 67 net score bolting 4 shots ahead of Scobes in second place and earning him the praises of his subdued peers. It was TLM’s maiden Club Championship win. Congratulations Tommy! What a year - leading in the Masters race and about to go head-to-head in the Match Play final (not to mention his Golden Putter success as well). Captain Courageous!
• Scobes played the nine of the Championship – a net 31 today! He was dynamite in all aspects of the game, especially his unerring drives. And if he hadn’t hit the wrong ball on the 11th . . . . . something he’s now done twice in three weeks!! (needs glasses??)
• The Master Blaster was obviously back to his menacing form with a great net 34 to snare third spot. The quality of his play is reflected in the NTP and LD triumphs. Poor old Snout, having a tormented round and thinking he’d done enough with his long drive on the 18th was not amused.
• Mixed successes for the other Championship hopefuls with only Snout setting possibly a club record for the highest net stroke score for an 18 hole event (net 93). Anyone for a golf lesson? Cheap rates!
  PS: A golf clinic was held by the 18th green while waiting (and waiting. . . . ) for the second group. It’s to be hoped it helped Robinho.
• Apres putting was an up-and-down affair but the wily Phantom hung in with his usual laconic yet steely resolve to wear down a threatening Dainty and grab his maiden victory in great style!

Injury Report:
Pedro – hope you’re not missing us too much. We’re saving up our second-hand Playboy magazines to help wile away the time post-surgery.

Results:
Winner: Tommy 67 net
2nd: Scobes 71 net
3rd: Ronnie 73 net
NTP: Ronnie
LD: Ronnie
Little Bounce: RD
NAGA: RD
Apres Golf: Walks
Club Championships - Final Results

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

How the season has catapulted along – we’re suddenly into the Club Championships with only four more games to follow. Our second journey to the first hole and the line-up was as expected with tee-off delayed slightly by grey cloud cover. But it was worth the wait to watch the Master Blaster blast off in spectacular style!

Highlights:

• The Little master’s golf sabbatical paid big dividends as he burst out of the blocks and is the clubhouse leader at the half way point of the CC’s. So-so from tee and fairway but deadly around the greens. I hear that catch cry again . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
• Macca had a good round going but it all went belly up on the eighth – including his buggy which ended up on its back at one point. Despite this, he’s sitting menacingly in second place after another round so modestly described as “nothing special”.
• After a tardy start, Allardice the Elder settled down to some mostly consistent golf after the most memorable 1st tee drive in the Club’s decorated history. I can still see the colour draining out of the groups lined up to tee off next! The aftermath of the pinging, zinging fence rattling drive was one of the classic Little bounce wins.
• Also after a tardy start, Scobes continued to be tardy. He’s tardy but hardy as the frustrations of pulled drives, pulled irons and pulled putts pulled at his playing partner’s heart strings, but only Snout came forward to offer sympathy.
• Litts found his new Sandbaggeresque handicap a bit much today. Can look forward to next week when he fronts up again with that same handicap!
• Robinho plunged to his first NAGA for the season. All players now have that honour (except the rarely sighted Jacko). This poor destitute golfer is considering investing in a new radar system to assist with accurate ball flight from the tee – anything to avoid consistently landing under bushes. Can still win with a 35 off the stick!
• Steve had to leave after 7 holes to attend to fatherly duties at home.
• Apres putting was once again the GL benefit that we have come to expect with the “pot” a pittance.

Injury Report:

• Pedro has been officially placed on the long term injury list. We all wish him well for 20 Feb when he goes in for repairs to the offending back.
• Does the club have a rookie list to draw from and should a complex selection policy and process be developed?

Results:
Winner: Tommy 31 net
2nd: Macca 34 net
3rd: Ronnie 39 net
NTP: Ronnie
LD: Litts (Pedro, get well quick. This can’t go on.)
Little Bounce: Ronnie
NAGA: Robinho
Club Championship - Round 1 results

No Masters or Consistency points this week as these will be allocated at the end of the 2 week championship (double Masters points).

Clear evidence of handicap manipulation pre-Mornington by at least one member (being the handicapper makes that a no brainer).

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

It was the BURSWOOD CUP (aka The Dainty Benefit) and, sadly, Bunter Baldrey was unable to defend his stellar win in 2008 (45 Stableford points). Thankfully, he appointed an able stellar win stand-in and, as history will show, a multiple record setter.
Today saw the welcome return of The Little Master who was rumoured to have been fine tuning his golf game on lush Indian fairways cultivated by the renown greenkeeper Moin Lawn under the tutelage of the great Indian coach Aswing Amiss. The weather was perfect and the course looked in great nick - apart from some greens over the first nine that were a tad “rough”.

Highlights:

• Once again the benefits of being in the first group showed up (1,2,3 after 1,2,3,4 last week)
• One member of that group, and appearing to struggle to stand upright under the load of a 10 handicap, was The Big Breezy who launched his first drive straight down the middle and, for the vast majority of his round, insisted on repeatedly doing the same. He also insisted on repeatedly crafting his irons onto the centre fairway or the green; and on repeatedly chipping/pitching his way out of a few tight lies to an advantageous position and on repeatedly sinking those niggling length putts. His confidence knew no bounds as he rode his luck and brashly used his rescue club to extricate the ball from a precarious lie (see right). As one seasoned BB fan put it “He continues to play so many good shots, it gets boring telling him so”. With a 1-over-par round of 71 off the stick (a club record), 45 Stableford points, and a handicap that drops to 3 for regular club fixtures (also a club record), it was a mighty fine round. Sensational Litts!
• The club historian (just happens also to be Dainty) is searching the records to see how many new benchmarks have been set by this round. Could the name ‘Sandbagger’ disappear from the records list forever? Watch this space.
• Allardice the Elder gave forth with several memorable master blasts as some stupendous drives headed where his feet aimed - into the right rough. After straightening his stance, some stupendous drives ensued heading into the left rough. Where’s the justice? It’s in the 39 meritorious points that he chalked up with some great irons into the greens and some telling putts. A great second place-getter.
• The third member of this champion first group, Iron Man, played a solid round with some great drives and “professional” approaches to the green. Several of his second shots (while I wasn’t looking) gave the pin a shake – either uncanny skill or he’s got a bloody good throwing arm! Looks to be warming up for an assault on the Mornington Trophy
• Snout (the dubious fourth member) continues to show the benefits of an educative golf lesson, mishitting just about everything (except the water and sand) but still managing to squeeze out 27 points.
• There was reportedly some dreadful stuff produced in the second group but also some (thankfully) lighter moments . . .
• Scobes had his ball declared an egg by a giant swan and had to put life and limb on the line to get it back
• Walks was very devious in his use of cart direction signs, footpaths, etc to propel his ball in the desired direction. A pale imitation of such efforts by Tom on the par 3 9th is also worthy of mention (the 5 shots which followed are not) - so much for the rumoured tutelage!
• Macca had a bagful of troubles – mainly those stick-shaped things that he tried valiantly to hit the ball with but today the gods deserted him. . . . but patted him on the back for at least a NAGA win!
• A big thanks to the green keeper who cleared the green on the 11th to allow play by the second group to proceed. Pity no one hit the green and only 2 players actually made the green before picking up!

After the Game:

A major surprise gold level sponsorship thrust by Tom when he presented all members with denim shirts from a well-known Mumbai boutique featuring the club logo. A tremendous effort President-elect – the boys were chuffed.

Results:
Winner: Dainty 45 points
2nd: Master Blaster 39
3rd: Iron Man 37
NTP: Dainty
LD: Dainty
Little Bounce: Phantom
NAGA: Pacecracker

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

AND . . . . our previous winner of the Grandfather of the Year award, Phantom Walker, has done it again with the arrival of Zac William Walker, a second child to his son Andrew. The future Australian Tennis Open winner was born Wednesday 14 January and weighed in at 7 lb 14 oz. Well done pop.

Meanwhile back at the golf, Macca’s generous pre-match email allowed us to arrive later than previously stipulated and tee off at a more respectable time. The only drawback, however, was that the extra darkness (had he not sent it) would have allowed the unveiling of the Presidential Seal to have perhaps passed more unnoticed!

It was the comp you love to hate – Stroke (no picking the ball up after too many fluffs) and it was the Master Blaster and Pedro going head-to-head in Match Play.

Highlights:

• The first group (Messrs Walker, Little, Scoble and McLennan) managed respectable scores (read sub-40’s) and, in doing so, took out the top four places. As a result, it was a generally high scoring day with net 38 (a slashing effort from the Pace Cracker) coming in 3rd.
• The good guys (Messrs Allardice, Allardice, Baldrey and Dalby) had days they’d rather forget. Never in the annals of GBW history did Master Blaster emit as many nooooooo’s and aaaaaaaagh’s at his deft and vicious hooks; did Pedro mishit as many drives and irons (his crook back an acceptable excuse); did Snout push as many drives out of sight in the rough or over the fence out-of-bounds and duff as many chips. Stevie was the exception following his dad’s lead with the pulled shot but still belting a couple of scorchers, including the long drive.
• The excitement of another Grandfather of the Year title didn’t put Walks off his game, celebrating with a great win today after surviving a countback from the luckless Presidential seal.
• The Match Play was a battle of the least mishits today as Master Blaster finally wore down his man to snatch a win 2-up. Well done Ronny!

After the Game:

• It was confirmed that Walks will be attending the Mornington Masters. Great news!
• A toss of the coin finally decided whether shirts to be made for the Mornington bash should have both the GBW and the Mornington Masters logos on OR whether the shirts should have both the GBW and the Mornington Masters logos on. In a close result, it was decided that the shirts should have both the GBW and the Mornington Masters logos on (sigh).

Handicapper’s Report:
Apologies from the handicapper as Steve was taken in 1 stroke too many last week and Macca one stroke too few. No influence on the results other than a minor effect on the Consistency total. These anomalies have been corrected for the coming week

Results:
Winner: Walks Net 35
2nd: Litts 35 (count back)
3rd: Macca 38
NTP: Litts
LD: Steve
Little Bounce: Dalbs (after meek competition from the “under-40’s” group)
NAGA: Pedro
Apres putting: The Pres prevailed in a round where everyone struggled on a green that was mowed but had been cored some time back and was a little rough. This man can win anywhere, anytime under any conditions!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

(The Hon. Scribe was not in attendance today, so the interchange penman has been called upon to fill in)
[And what a superb job the interchange penman has done for one so inexperienced! - Ed.]

Black as a dog’s proverbial when we turned up at 5.30. Finally hit off at 5.50 odd, after considerable consternation at the tardy arrival of the Big Bagman. A Strong international flavour this morning, with Jacko and Garth “He Always Gets His Man” Irvine in attendance. Absentees were Pedro - sciatica playing up, Snout – females in his life playing up, Walks – in Carnarvon (he never plays up), Tom – in Mumbai where they all play up.

Highlights:

• First ever TV coverage of a GBWGC event. Helicopters above and police thick on the ground to control the riotous crowds were special features of the morning
• Failure to encounter any felons in the bush was a welcome relief
• Scobes returned to form with a steady display after his usual hash of the first hole
• Steve was desperately unlucky, coming in second on a count back after one of his best rounds for some time – no wipes
• Macca was steady, appearing to be a bit surprised to be relegated to the minor podium position
• Jacko squared the majority of holes. Very steady, though he caused a minor sensation with a birdie on the par 5 14th (but no cigar)
• Dainty was steady, but seems to be struggling under the impost of his low handicap
• Garth hit some great balls including making the green in 2 on the last – nice par. Had the longest drive but does not have the requisite GBWGC card
• What’s going on Ron? Back to back NAGAs after a nice effort for 2nd on Visitors Day. Looking for a price for Mornington?

Results:
Winner: Scobes +4
2nd: Stevie +4 (count back)
3rd: Macca +3
NTP: Litts
LD: Scobes
Little Bounce: No noms
NAGA: Ronnie
Apres putting: The Pres (aka Litts, Dainty, Big Breezy, The Enforcer, HWMBO, Caretaker President, etc, etc)

After the Game:

• Post game celebrations were marked by a genial discussion of the upcoming World Tour of Mornington. Those who will be attending gracefully accepted direction on tasks to be performed – as determined by Ron (it’s his house!). All seems to be under control, although the hidden complexities will no doubt dawn (or be invented) soon enough. Sixty sleeps!!
• Scobes was somewhat embarrassed when followed into the car park by a Channel 10 cameraman with tape rolling. Those who watched last night’s news would have seen a feature coverage of his great victory.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Burswood looked remarkably like Wembley today as a group of eight assembled at an ungodly time (as specified by some Neanderthal reporter in last week’s missive).

It was a portent of things to come as some members opted to play 18 holes. With the Old Course first nine temporarily closed, there was a mass migration to the Tuart Course – and not one complaint from The President! This was perhaps because He was glowing in the aftermath of His Mid Season Report Card issued under the authority of the President’s Official Seal. I don’t think we’ve heard the last of the Prez’s nefarious activities, and the power of the seal!

Not to be confused by these changed arrangements, Denno proceeded to pay his own fee, get an Old Course score card and use it to record his Tuart round.

Highlights:

• It was a tightly packed scoreboard today, only 5 points covering the field and 3 players on 16 pts.
• Macca didn’t let the side down, skilfully maintaining the NAGA-one-week-win-the-next tradition that has been a feature of the season. He swiped, whacked and walloped his way around, never letting himself get ahead of himself – although someone forgot to tell his buggy on the 7th as it tore ahead of himself and down the hill with Macca in hot pursuit. Good win Ga!
• The Canadian Journeyman played some awesome shots to grab the second highest points. A cool guy from a cool climate playing cool golf, even in the heat.
• Phantom had a finely tuned eclectic mix of mighty long shots and some short misfired missiles – a bit more today on the misfire side. Nothing that Hamas couldn’t fix. Nevertheless, grabbed official second place on countback from . . .
• Snout who started in a blaze with a 4-point birdie, a big longest drive (as he flexed those rippling muscles) and continued to pepper the points until the 8th and 9th holes where the well dried up. Doubtless it could be attributed to going out in sympathy with . . .
• Litts who had an amazing scorecard – 5 pars to start then only 1 point on the last four holes – something to do with a flat battery (apparently). Continued to maintain his composure despite this setback and playing the Tuart Course.
• Scobes and Pedro played out a penultimate NAGA duel, the former still basking in the glory of last weeks impressive win (such confidence resulting in an NTP today) whilst endeavouring to score the Tuart Course on his Old Course card; while Pedro kept lighting the wick with his power game but the flame fizzled out on the score card. Or was it the withdrawal symptoms from his New Year resolution to give up the smokes?
• The Master Blaster (both with the clubs and the vocal cords) was strangely subdued on both fronts today. His quiet and stoic acceptance of today’s NAGA win was exemplary as was his no-fuss Little bounce win.

Results in Brief:
Winner: Macca (19 pts)
2nd: Walks (16)
3rd: Dalbs (16)
LD: Dalbs
NTP: Denno
Little Bounce: Ronny (two in a row)
NAGA: Ronny

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The annual Visitors Day usually produces a couple of dodgy ring-ins to gather with our elite club and boast that they’d played with the GBWGC. Today was certainly no exception, with two celebrities in their own right joining us on the 1st tee:

• Andrew “Slam Dunk” McLennan, son of Celebrity Golfer of the Year; and
• Garth Journeyman, a most complete golfer, club carrier, uncomplaining low handicapper and one of Canada’s best known golfing exports.

Naturally there was the initial shambles with the group booking (it’s not just a home course thing – old farts just don’t seem to be able to get organised first thing in the morning). The Secretary has since taken a course in talking Double-Dutch and should have better success next year.

Highlights:

• After coveting (and penultimately coveting) the NAGA spot for an obscene number of weeks, today saw an overdue return to some semblance of form by Scobes – with the assistance of an outrageous handicap. He scattered the field with 42 Stableford points – a blazing performance which was not necessarily a good thing when the forecast is hot and fire bans are in place. Great effort Scobes!
• Ronny birdied the first and looked the early winner, but a couple of wipes made for a few Nooooooooooooooo’s, Aaaagggggghhhhhhh’s and a net par round.
• Snout sliced and hooked and duffed his way to the greens and then sunk everything within 10 feet (including some putts) to somehow cadge a third spot.
• Litts started waywardly over the first 6 holes, was a little wayward in the middle 6 holes of the round and finished a little waywardly over the last 6 holes but nevertheless showed that well known grit to still record a creditable total.
• Walks continues to thump some big drives and irons, scoring his first Long Drive. Missed some opportunities around and on the greens with a few bushwalks in between.
• Pedro was meant to turn up the heat given his consistently good form in recent weeks but appears to have melted under the summer sun and brisk easterly. Saved from an unexpected NAGA by . . . . . .
• Macca, Celebrity Golfer of the Year, who was over-awed by the company in his group and capitulated . . . .or was it that he wanted No 1 son to look good and for The Journeyman to feel at home?

Fixture change and next week's game
After considerable mass debate (don’t say that fast), the Club Committee agreed that next Tuesday’s Burswood fixture would be transferred to 27 January. The 27 January fixture is to be played next Tuesday which means that:

We’re at WEMBLEY for a Stableford competition. Be there by 5.30 for a 5.40 hit-off. Plans are also afoot for those who can to continue on and play 18 holes.

Results in Brief:
Winner: Scobes (42 pts)
2nd: Ronny (36)
3rd: Dalbs (35)
LD: Walks
NTP: Ronny
Little Bounce: Ronny
NAGA: Garth

Handicap adjustments using 18 hole scores
Net stableford score divided by 2 then rounded up. Half points rounded up for players over par and down for players under par (i.e. limiting the advantage of playing more holes than usual).

Examples:

• For net 33 – 33/2=16.5 >> 1.5 over par; rounded down to 1 over;
• For net 41 – 41/2=20.5 >> 2.5 under par; rounded up to 3 under

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

THE TWO DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS
‘Twas two days before Christmas, and all round the course
Not a creature was stirring, but then came a force
Of nine lively golfers, all their hopes up
Of adding to their stockings the Christmas Cup.
Other Dawn golfers would think they were bats
As they strode to the tee in their funny little hats.
There was the Master of Blast (our Santa Ron)
The Wood Man and Scobes both keen to play on;
Walks as serene as new fallen snow
As only our Tundra Terror would know.
The Little Master (our President-elect)
And The Enforcer (who claims he was born to direct).
Belter Baldrey was there with Snout (looking thinner)
Just one elf was missing – the previous Cup winner.
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!
As the first set of drives were enough to appal.
With their bags full of clubs and their hopes high too
Around the course with aplomb they flew.
And when all had assembled at the final green
Not a hint of who’d won on their faces was seen.
The Captain strode forth at the finishing meal,
Still counting the cards with a face set like steel.
His eyes – how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
As he cheerfully announced “I WON don’t ‘ya know!”
Belter looked drawn as though stretched on a rack
When the Captain announced he’d lost on count back
Whilst the Tundra terror smiled with glee
When the Captain announced he’d come in at three!
He had a broad face and a Little round belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
Litts was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf
Except for today when he’d NAGA’d himself!
Prez sprang to his feet, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they flew like the down of a thistle.
But he heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

Steve finally gets his “50th Game” Certificate		Santa Ron
What’s in the bag? (Presidential rivalry)		It’s personal!!

Results in Brief:
Winner: Harbijan Joseph (20pts) on countback from the luckless....
2nd: Pedro (20)
3rd: The Iceman (19)
LD: Ronny (at last)
NTP: Harbijan
NAGA: Litts (believed to be a maiden performance. Probably blame the hat)
Little Bounce: He after whom this particular manoeuvre is named

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

What a scene - huge areas of the car park roped off for the media expected to cover the titanic internecine struggle between Allardice the Elder and Allardice the Younger. The weather was once again spectacular with some good scores and tight competition in the offing. But where were the combatants? Even Snout and The Phantom were on the tee on time but still no media and Match Play players! Just as the rest were preparing to tee off between numerous vehicles driving across the 10th, Master Blaster and Wood Man appeared from nowhere to stage one of the great Match Plays.

Highlights:

• Macca the Pace Cracker bucked a trend by some members this year of finishing first one week and last the next to take out two consecutive wins. In a round described unselfishly as “crap golf”, our champion reportedly spent a lot off the fairway but made up for it with a “hot” short game (that concentrated stoop over the putter on the 18th green signaled as much!). Great effort Macca!
• Big Breezy was just that after a faltering start that included two double bogey holes. He then hit his straps and some good golf shots as he par’d the last four holes to grab a net 36.
• Pedro’s developing a nasty habit of being reasonably consistent. Two seconds and now a third in as many weeks – he must be doing something right. His casual, languid approach was exemplified on the 18th where he sauntered up to the tee and hit a casual drive which he expressed extreme disappointment with as it soared 20 meters past Walks’s next best booming effort.
• Walks laid into some long woods and irons and played a generally good game A 9 on a hole best forgotten sealed his fate on the score card which threatened to be a round winner. Keep an eye out for this one.
• Snout couldn’t drive his way out of a roundabout or even manage a decent Little bounce. Did play some good holes but suffered the torment of two triple bogeys to douse a promising round.
• The Allardice boys played one of THE great Match Plays. Undeterred by the media no-show, each took their turn to win a hole. First Steve, then Ron, then Steve, then Ron etc. etc. until Master Blaster turned one up after the 17th. The wily sod managed to keep his cool despite Little bouncing his way around the course to snare a win on the last and finish 2-up over a gallant adversary. Wood Man displayed some unique talent, belting a drive into the crutch of a hapless tree, spawning a shot the antithesis of the Little bounce to henceforth be known as the “Steve Suck”.
• Scobes struggled in the afterglow of his stirring Apres Golf win the previous week and was unable to capture the golfing glow that he’d been showing earlier in the season. Improvement was evident, just avoiding another NAGA. Probably toying with the field in the lead up to one of his successful events – the Christmas Cup.
• Six contenders for coffee and Apres Golf . Macca, in an inspired moment, pocketed the cash before a putt was shot and duly won the day. Is there nothing this man can’t do?

Results in Brief
Winner: GM Net 35
2nd: GL 36
3rd: PB 37
LD: PB
NTP: DS
NAGA: SA
Little Bounce: RA
Apres Golf: GM (a day’s clean sweep!)

USELESS Facts about the 2008-09 Season so far:

• Pedro and Walks have played the most games – 11 of 12
• Pedro has the most consecutive games – 8
• Average number of games for all members (excl Jacko) – 8.7
• Senior members are averaging 9.5 games (come on you young blokes!)
• Macca has played 7 straight since resuming from a spell
• Allardices average 8 games; Grahams/Graeme average 9.3 games
• Tom, Macca and Walks have won 9 of the 12 games between them (3 each). Their average handicap is 14; the average for the club is 9.6. Therefore high handicappers suck!
• Ronny, Pedro and Scobes are yet to win. See previous comment.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Another coup for the GBWGC – yet another trophy to compete for! It was the inaugural contest for the magnificent (apparently) Presidents Trophy (Note: NOT a cup!). Even Walks was getting excited about it, having arriving relatively early as Snout roared in mortified by the thought that he’d arrived last.

It was almost full house with Steve the only absentee, his business bucking the economic odds and going flat chat in an environment where gloom and doom seems pervasive. After the President’s stern missive about slow play, the pressure was on to perform in ideal weather conditions.

Highlights:

• Macca the Pace Cracker continued a trend by some members this year of finishing stone motherless one week and taking the jackpot the next. Though not one of his best rounds, he stayed relatively clear of trouble and hung in there for a creditable 18 Stableford points. It was enough to win the inaugural TROPHY on a countback from 3 other hopefuls in the biggest countback in Club history (and the Captain got it right, having to go to the fourth last hole to split the four contenders). Well done Macca (you pesky little bugger!)
• Pedro held it together somewhat although he was a bit like the rest of the lead group – zig-zaggy up the fairways. Still belted some mighty drives and irons but zagged at the wrong time on the long drive 18th to find the rough even though it was a pretty solid hit. A second and a third in as many weeks sees this lad playing some consistent golf.
• Litts continues to perform well under his 6 handicap, notching 18 points and cementing his Mr Consistent reputation. Had some atypical wayward hits, including possibly the longest Little bounce on record, the ball heading “leftish” before ricocheting off a tree and right across the fairway 10 metres down the opposite side.
• Walks played in two halves, going gangbusters over the first stretch but fading a little in the latter holes. Had five 3-pointers in his 18 point haul but also managed to wipe a hole or two. Won last week and tied for first this week before slotting into fourth on countback. Playing some scary golf.
• Master Blaster had mixed success, cadging a couple of minor Little bounces in the early holes and almost taking out the long drive only to see his ball trickle inches off the fairway. Lived up to his nickname in more than one way, a huge (yet familiar) vocal blast being heard on the 16th.
• Snout had mixed fortunes with the driver, mostly finding the bush – one so wide it was thought lost ‘til eagle-eye Captain found it; the other a shuddering whack into a tree followed by the most delicate glance into the middle of the fairway for a Little bounce award. Struggling but getting close to some form.
• The Little Master was also struggling but this time under the deleterious effects of a crook hand causing many a shot to career into the trees – or, more accurately, cannily between them. Not one of his best days as his thoughts wandered to Kiwi climes and time to rest the battered body.
• Scobes had a fantastic time at Denmark, sussing out some scenic coastline and snaring some good catches fishing from the beach. The weather down South was cool and the wines crisp and smooth with zesty acidity and nectarine, white peach and grapefruit flavours on the palate. Unfortunately, was unable to wrench himself out of this idyllic vision and NAGA’d.
• Five again for coffee and Apres Golf – Litts looked set for another win when, aghast, he drifted to the wrong side of the turning pin. Scobes, wrenched out of his idyllic vision by this rare opportunity, sank a pressure putt on the ninth to steal the money.

Results in Brief
Winner: GM 18 Stableford points and inaugural winner of THAT Trophy
2nd: PB 18 )
3rd: GL 18 ) on count back. Walks also had 18 so the count back system was working overtime. Those not scoring 18 points were treated with contempt after the game; and rightly so, except for Ron, being a sponsors relative and all.
NAGA: DS (one more and he can take it home permanently)
LD: Pathetic – no takers
NTP: PB
Little Bounce: RD
Apres Golf: DS (go figure)
Note: To qualify for a Little Bounce, the ball must rebound of a tree and onto the fairway giving maximum advantage to the player.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Another perfect morning for golf with six starters. The Allardice boys were notable absentees –Master Blaster spending a romantic few days at Bunkers Bay with his wife while Wood Man was in KL after having to forego a recent and much talked about Bangkok trip. Den was making his mark in Denmark. Walks was missing presumed lost until the 11th hour when he strode stress free into the fray after the first group had teed off and proceeded to pull off another coup (read on).

It was Match Play time again as the power of Bunter took on the sophistication of Snout (who thought he had a sniff of hope) while the Little Master put up the challenge to Macca who almost fainted at the prospect.

Highlights:

• Not content with a second last week, the mighty Phantom roared into the car park, strolled straight to the tee while others were biting their nails and belted a net 33 to notch up his 3rd season win. Not his best driving performance (other than his tree hitting, bird scattering, Little-bouncing effort on the 13th) but kept a consistent game together.
• Bunter kept his cool under Match Play conditions after his opponent sizzled in a long chip from under a tree to birdie the 10th. Struck some great drives and produced great shots under pressure to tie up the match on the 18th and win on best net score as well as taking out second place for the round. Gritty effort Pedro!
• Litts continued his driving rivalry with the Little Master although it’s a bit like comparing Go Karts to each other, not Formula 1’s! The NTP measurement on the 12th was almost farcical as Macca tried three times to separate the two contenders with Litts getting the nod over Tom – all wasted of course! Still cracked a net 35, though not over happy with the final holes.
• Snout leapt out of the blocks, sinking a long chip on the 10th for birdie before settling into his retard short game on the 13th to crash with a match killing 9! Had a great battle with Bunter before finally succumbing on the 18th. Highlight was the exasperation toss, the club failing to return to earth but doing so after a flag was used to dislodge it from a branch.
• The Little Master made mince meat of the par 3’s today but, in between, had some mixed success. Played steadily enough to take out the Match Play.
• When the Little Master headlocked Macca and extracted an agreement to play their Match Play, it came as such a shock that the Pace Cracker didn’t settle into a rhythm until the 18th. By then it was all over but Maccas putting on the 18th was all that was needed to entice him back next week.
• The Little/Joseph/McLennan team set a cracking pace and was at least a hole and a half ahead of the others. But then Macca was in that group!
• Five for coffee and Apres Golf – 2 battery hens and 3 push-pullers. Litts’s winnings were boosted by the extra competition after mere pickings last week.

Results in Brief:
Winner: GW Net 33
2nd: PB 35
3rd: GL 35 (2nd week in a row being shunted to 3rd on count back)
NAGA: GM (believed to be a record high net score – 49)
LD: PB (Sanity restored after Litts’s win last week)
NTP: RD (by a long nose)
Little Bounce: GL
Apres Golf: GL

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Our first hitout post-Binningup and there were some questions to answer: Could the Little Master bounce back after being the sole scorer of (at least) a par round? Could ANY of the members hit a par round again? Could Scobes recover from some disappointing results? Could Litts throw off the euphoria of his Binningup success? Could Master Blaster keep a steady base? Could anyone remember that it was Match Play day?

There were no excuses for poor golf with the perfect weather, despite threatening clouds early, and greens that were in great nick though a little slow. Macca rocked up in style sporting a new buggy in yet another shade of dark grey. Three starlets were missing – Bunter (crook), Steve (sailed off to Freo to get his skippers ticket) and Snout (on domestics). Handicaps defied gravity and were unchanged from Binningup!! And, yes, the Captain showed due diligence in random numbers and remembering to get the match play underway.

Match Play Round 1:
Walks def Litts – 1 up
Tom def Scobes – 2 up

Other highlights:

• The Little Master (alias Indian Rubber Man) bounced back in style, playing a blinder and continuing on with his Collie form. The Golden Putter, 3 wins this season, Binningup runner-up . . . what next? Perhaps a tilt at the NTP after scoring another one today with an immaculate tee shot? Well done Captain!
• The Phantom decided early that, as it was Match Play, it was time to show Litts just what jungle stuff he was made of. His drives over the first five holes or so were amazing – long and straight – and was able to hang on for a well compiled net 33 and a creditable 1-up win over Big Breezy.
• Litts had his time (and handicap strokes) cut out facing up to a big hitting Phantom but nevertheless bettered his handicap even though going down valiantly! Never thought I’d see the day when he’d be allowed to win the Long Drive – what a disgrace!!
• Master Blaster was pipped out of third place on countback but had a round to remember – chipping in twice from at least 50 metres on the 10th (resulting in a Birdie’s Nest) and 14th holes.
• Scobes, smarting from missed putting opportunities at Binningup, drove home an 18 metre putt on the 15th to grab a Birdie’s Nest and some putting confidence. Overall confidence knocked for six after being shunted to the NAGA by 5 other smart-asses all scoring sub-Par rounds!
• The Pace Cracker obviously did something good, coming in with a net 35, but the spy camera lens misted over when it saw Litts get pipped and so I missed Macca’s round highlights.
• Presentation time was a hoot – the Captain announcing Master Blaster as third place getter but later investigation showed Litts was third. A continuance of a long tradition!
• Only three for coffee and Apres Golf. Litts has started to inch ahead after winning a very reduced pot! Two extra starlets return next week to put on more pressure.

Results in Brief:
Winner: TJ Net 31
2nd: GW 33
3rd: GL 34 (on a count back recount from Ron)
NAGA: DS (only 1 over handicap but not up to scratch in this company!)
LD: GL (How could this happen?)
NTP: RA
Little Bounce: PB
Apres Golf: GL (and the longest putt?)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The return of the Thai boys was notable for the ideal conditions – no rain, no heat, no humidity, no boat – just perfect for golf. So where were the golfers? There were very few on the course and the two who hit off before our esteemed groups were never seen again. It all seemed a bit offbeat – even the Master Blaster didn’t park in his usual spot by the footpath. At least he and his traveling companion had returned refreshed but met with mixed success on the course which had fairways in top condition but greens a little slow but true.

It was the second round of the Golden Putter. The Little Master was salivating at the prospect of his third GP title but could he withstand the pressure? Snout (one putt behind) obviously couldn’t and never appeared while the Pace Cracker was all go (also one behind) and Bunter keen after last weeks Apres Golf scoop (2 behind).

Highlights:

• The Little Master lived up to his name showing steely resolve with the short stick to reel off 16 putts and withstand a withering finish by The Phantom. Congratulations LM on a one stroke (putt) triumph!
• Phantom appeared from the jungle with a hot putter, taking only 14 putts for the nine! What pygmy juice was this boy on? His fine effort helped him to a winning net 32. Great effort Walks!
• Bunter came in a solid second with a round that included the Long Drive – all 250 metres of it – and several award-winning Little Bounces (too many for the other candidates Tom and Ron)
• Macca threw out the anchor big time in preparation for Binningup but, pleased to say, the shoulder is holding up brilliantly.
• Great to see The Wood Man continuing his consistency run with a net 35 to come in third.
• The Thai trippers returned reasonable scores after a layoff with Litts scooping the NTP and an even par round while Master Blaster scrounged a 38 and was pipped for the Long Drive and Little Bounce
• Stories about swooping magpies on the 18th didn’t eventuate.
• Apres Golf heralded the return and a win for you-know-who!

HANDICAPPER’S REPORT
The 17th was not only parred for the first time; it was also parred for the second time (Steve and Walks). Not to be outdone Long John parred the 18th – also a first for the year and a very uncommon occurrence.

The Thai Two returned and played as if they had been hitting balls all fortnight (yuk! Don’t go there).

Results in Brief:
Winner: GW Net 32
2nd: PB 34
3rd: SA 35
NAGA: GM
LD: PB (a belter!)
NTP: GL
Little Bounce: PB
Apres Golf: GL (he’s baaack)
Golden Putter Final Results

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The world witnessed one of the great sporting comebacks at Royal Hamersley today. Macca the Pace Cracker strolled in as if he’d never been away and tore the competition apart, rather than his shoulder, after a long layoff. But first things first. . . . .
Leaden skies last week, big grey buggers this week which dumped big time during the first round of the Golden Putter shootout. It has the weather pundits scratching their heads although, on a positive note, it beats playing golf in Thai-type heat and humidity. A field of seven, boosted by the reappearance of a feisty Pace Cracker, teed off from the 1st tee having been at the head of an unusually small and late-to-turn-up queue.

The Captain decreed that the competition be Stableford in lieu of Stroke, the inclement conditions perhaps influencing his decision. The cool GBWGC tailored score cards were suddenly found wanting but a quick sprint back to the pro shop soon fixed that. Scobes holed up in his car until a shower passed and then just made it in time to tee off. His attempts at keeping dry all came to nought during the third hole downpour.

Highlights:

• What more can we say about the great man, other than mention that he thought his shoulder stood up well but his chipping was not quite up to scratch. Heavens knows what he would have scored if his immaculate touch with the pitching wedge had stayed with him. Is one off the (cracking) pace for the Golden Putter (16 putts) but now has the Handicapper to contend with after 21 Stableford points.
• Snout continued his form with a distant second place (18 points). Owed a lot of his success to birdies on each of the par 3’s and a bit of lady luck with a Little bounce which sent the ball from sailing into the next fairway, to where he thought he’d aimed it.
• The Wood Man confirmed his woods prowess with a strong performance off the tee. Earned him the Long Drive into a howling Southwester and set him up for another good score (17 points) after his great first-up win the previous week.
• Bunter belted some solid woods and irons but his aim sometimes resulted in him being vertically-challenged (by things called trees). Verging on a good score – keep an eye on this one in future outings, especially if his putting lives up to his Apres Golf form.
• The Little Master was down on form today, perhaps weighed down by some overindulgence in post-trackwork festivities with his trainer last Friday night. Hot with the putter and leads the pack going into the final round.
• Walks produced one of the most unusual starts to a round with a walloping “windy” followed by a strident blow that rattled the protective fence and sent the gallery scuttling for cover. Uncertain whether he quite recovered from this hair-raising experience but put up a strong NAGA challenge.
• Scobes clinched the NAGA however after certain aspects of his game (the drives, long irons, short irons and putting) seemed off their timing. His mind was, understandably, most likely on the other green track where he dashed off to after the game to lay some bets and quaff some ales.
• Apres Golf saw Bunter open up one of the biggest leads seen in the comp – his -1 to “the rest” +4. Finally scooped the dough after a few hiccups but fewer less than the hiccups of others.

Results in Brief:
Winner: Macca 21 points
2nd: RD 18
3rd: SA 17
NAGA: DS
LD: SA
NTP: RD
Little Bounce: RD
Apres Golf: PB (by a healthy margin)
Golden Putter - Week 1 results

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Another overcast morning at Royal Hamersley with a group of 5 playing under leaden skies with the threat of thunderstorms predicted by the weather soothsayers. Turned out they were right as thunder rumbled overhead and a light shower passed over but, thankfully, those lucky enough were sipping coffee under cover and those not so lucky were trudging off to work (that’s the “W’ in our logo - apparently). True to his word, Steve was fired up and raring to put more games under his belt. Sadly, the Pace Cracker was unable to consummate his maiden game, perhaps preferring to keep practicing his putting in secret before stealing up to next week’s Golden Putter rounds.

Highlights:

• The Wood Man (ex Iron Man) massacred his first two holes until, seized by a sudden bout of grim determination and true grit, lashed out at the course. With jaw firmly set and clubs flaying, he stormed over the remaining 7 holes to manipulate the Par Bisque into a +5 finish. Great effort Steve for his first, but certainly not last, win of the season. A platinum performance!
• Bunter Baldrey rode his luck with yet another Little bounce and some wrangling with the Par Bisque scoring system but just couldn’t get the consistent hitting to challenge the field. Did, however, hit his straps on the LD hole to take out his second LD win.
• Scobes scratched around for the first hole or two then, exhilarated by the superb company and unbridaled (with apologies to Terry) encouragement, struck his straps and the ball with silky touch to ride in with a +4. Shudder to think what he might have scored if his “tink” putter had been on song.
• Snout had a day out over the first six holes, bagging 5 pars (and his teammates) to be +5. Then came the choke as he failed to score over the last three to whimper home +2.
• The Little Master continued to show glimpses of his form from last week with some booming drives, crisp irons and deft pitches yet could only come in square. Where’s the justice?
• Apres Golf saw a small field of 3 putter around before Snout chose the penultimate hole, only to see the opposition slide past the wrong side of the “turning” flag leaving the decision in no doubt. Snout was last seen staring vacantly at the $3.75 winning bonanza!

HANDICAPPER’S REPORT

The handicapper clearly needs to get more vicious, not being able to trap even one player above net par today!

Results in Brief:
Winner: STEVIE!!!!!!!!! +5
2nd: DS +4
3rd: RD +2
NAGA: TJ
LD: PB
NTP: DS
Little Bounce: TJ (not just one but two)
Apres Golf: RD (stealing a march while the others are away)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Our second outing at Hamersley on a Thai-type morning - balmy and overcast. Great to see Steve keeping up his threat to play more games this season as he warms up for a tilt at the Binningup Open. Rumour has it that the Pace Cracker may also be venturing forth next week for the same reason.

Sad to see the Big Breezy and Master Blaster playing their last games for a couple of weeks as they go off to play other games elsewhere. The conditions on their arrival are expected to be hot and steamy - or was that the report from Suzie Wongs?

It’s our last game in normal hours as the State swings into daylight saving. Don’t forget to wind your watches forward 1 hour at 2 a.m. this Sunday.

Highlights:

• The Little Master returned to form after an indifferent couple of weeks with a great all-round effort and his second season win and second NTP already. Yet another one warming up for Binningup. The Indian brigade are winning the cricket and the golf!
• Snout rode his luck with two “Little bounces” and a few lusty drives to give TLM a brief run for his money but couldn’t withstand a withering countback. RD is re-writing the rules book with some very strange fiddling with balls that don’t belong to him.
• The Big Breezy had his sights on a Thai air hostess as he pecked his way around the course scoring the first Birdie’s nest of the season in the process but not quite showing his full silky skills.
• “Bunter” Baldrey (yep - a new nickname (thanks Walks)) belted some big drives and irons but couldn’t consistently steer them onto the green stuff. His trick shot on the long drive 18th, clipping the ball backwards before watching it spin forwards a few metres from the tee, deserved some accolade but all Pete could take away was the NAGA (just).
• The “B” team – RA, DS, SA and GW – had mixed success but came in with a very orderly 19, 18, 17, 16 points (you can tell which group the scribe played in).
• Apres Golf saw a record for the highest par for a hole (par 6) and the largest NAGA number of putts (no names) and, amongst all this nonsense, Litts picked his way to a second consecutive win. The signs are ominous.

HANDICAPPER’S REPORT

For the sake of team harmony, no mention will be made of the several etiquette breaches observed today. Note that the handicapper has been so busy with all of the above that he has just 1 Little Bounce and nothing else to his name so far this season. Sad.

Results in Brief:
Winner: TJ 20 points
2nd: RD 20 pts (on countback)
3rd: RA 19 pts
NAGA: PB (on countback)
LD: RD (is there no stopping those rippling muscles)
NTP: TJ
Little Bounce: RD
Apres Golf: GL (is this to become the norm?)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Back to Wembley for the second time in three weeks – another club record.

The club photographer was mystified by an anonymous phone call requesting his presence with camera at the pre-dawn service. Now we all know why, as The Enforcer copped the receiving end of some unbecoming behaviour during last weeks round . . . . .

Great to see our esteemed platinum sponsor stride up to the 10th tee, refreshed after having played his last game of golf at Mornington!

Highlights:

• After successful attempts at handicap stacking, Snout pounced in the first Masters event scoring 23 points from the most cockeyed round. Two birdies and a hot putter got this lad out of the woods (where most of his drives landed) to renew his belief in a higher power.
• The Iron Man did his best to challenge as the “Wood Man” after sparing few trees over his first three holes. His vicious pull shot was reminiscent of Bradman’s halcyon days. With steely determination, he gradually produced some great shots to collect a respectable 15 points.
• The Ghost ripped some mighty drives and irons on a promising round but was let down by his trick putter which had the unhappy knack of pushing the ball anywhere but near the hole.
• The “B” team – Dainty, Scobes, Master Blaster and Pedro – had mixed success after fairly uneventful rounds, except PB’s starring “Little Bounce” effort. Scobes and Pedro tied for 2nd and 3rd spots while Litts and Ronaldo tied for last. How did Houdini get out of the NAGA jail for the second successive week (a dainty NAGA bridesmaid?)
• Apres Golf saw Macca’s return from the Apple Isle, his hopes of another win dashed by the sudden return to form by Litts who stormed away over the last par 5, dashing Snout’s hopes of the trifecta.

Handicapper’s Report

All went smoothly this morning – does anyone else see the obvious bureaucracy associated with the scorecards?

• Pres hands to player;
• player hands to partner;
• partner hands to Captain to announce results;
• Captain hands to Handicapper;
• Handicapper hands to grandson to enter details, etc, etc

In future we are hoping to avoid a repeat of today’s highly offensive, etiquette breaching, score card interference perpetrated by a member of high rank who should know better (and all for no reason as it luckily turned out for the second week in a row).

Results in Brief:
Winner: RD 23 points (bandit)
2nd: DS 18 pts
3rd: PB 18 pts (on a countback)
NAGA: RA (also on a countback, with the dainty penultimate NAGA candidate again just missing out)
LD: RD (smote it yet again!!)
NTP: No takers
Little Bounce: PB
Apres Golf: GL (a big return to form)

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A brisk morning greeted our return to the hallowed Hamersley turf with yet another great roll-up.
We’ll be at least two down next week as we say farewell to Jacko again until his eagerly awaited return at Christmas, and the Little Master off on another statistical sabbatical somewhere in the great outdoors.

The second of the new-look score cards was unveiled without the pomp and circumcision that accompanied the process last week (we missed that!).

It was also a significant round for Litts - his 150th GBW outing. Congratulations young fella!

Highlights:

• A stunning form turnaround saw the Assistant Treasurer pocket the money, the Seniors Cards and this week’s trophy with a withering 32 net. You guessed it – when I checked out Driving Range Bay 1 at Wembley, there were the few leftover tennis balls from his practice session. Great all round effort Walks!
• Master Blaster roared into second spot, thanks to a blistering start (only 2 over after 4 holes) before reality set in as well as a couple of double bogies – but good enough.
• Long John, the third member of this winning foursome, slipped quietly into third spot. Like everyone else in the group, he looked like thunder coming off the 18th green. What could have been affecting them? . . . . .
• . . . . . perhaps it was really a sense of deep sorrow for the plight of Dainty G. who somehow couldn’t get it together, bashing hell out of the ball to Little effect and fully intending to bash hell out of the local greenkeeper but finally seeing the error of his ways after a Long John headlock. Missed out on the NAGA on countback by a country mile.
• Jacko led the leading group with a solid 40 net (go figure). It belied the quality of most of his golf as he puttered away for most holes but landed an 8 on the last. His highlight was the ball found nestled quietly in the protective fronds of the local native grass as well as his deadly putting from 3 metres.
• Scobes had his moments, the classic being his pulled drive high wide and handsome into the infamous nursery at the 11th (so we thought). It was found on the fairway opposite to the nursery. No such luck with his putting, as his $25 special refused to push the ball close to the hole.
• Snout floundered around the greens and behind trees but still believes it has something to do with the three week layoff. Or perhaps it was the silly cap as he tied with Scobes on net 41.
• The Little Master, reknown for his putting on slow sandy greens, couldn’t get the rest of his game tuned in. Without a cigarette lighter, he was unable to warm the hands and suffered low level frost bite which detracted from his subtle “touch” around the course. From a win last week to NAGA this week. The sabbatical will see him return with renewed vigour.
• Apres Golf proved another triumph for the Snout who used every dirty trick (knocking several balls out of the way) to gain victory.

Handicapper’s Report

A pattern is developing – the same two players have shared 1st place and NAGA over the first two weeks. Very biblical – “He who is last shall be first and he who is first shall be last”. No takers for the birdies nest at our first Hamersley outing. You will notice that Macca is missing from the top table below – will fix that up this week.

Results in Brief:
Winner: GW 32
2nd: RA 36
3rd: PB 37
NAGA: TJ
LD: RD (smote it!!)
NTP: GL
Little Bounce: DS
Apres Golf: RD

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

WE’RE BACK! Another eagerly awaited season has driven off in conditions that threatened rain but only produced a brief shower. Even the almighty powers respect GBW opening day.

A great turn out, our only absentee being the Platinum sponsor (still too hung over from post-match celebrations?). Great to see Chris J get the timing spot on. Needless to say, Master Blaster disguised himself in premiership colours while Dainty lived up to his name wearing a cute pyjama-top number. Macca risked the wrath of Jeannie to greet us at the 18th and splash that impish humour around over coffee.

The official fixture card and Wembley score card (complete with “spot the error”) were unveiled as each unsuspecting member was corralled before El Presidente. Thanks to HE for the idea and to Snout and the Direct Image boys for the production process.

Highlights:

• A great win by the Golf Captain including the NTP. (NOTE: I did check out Driving Range Bay 1 and found numerous curry puff droppings.)
• Mr Consistent strolled effortlessly into 2nd spot with a typically dainty display.
• Scobes continued his form high. Witness his masterful second shot onto the 18th green from miles out.
• Long John lurched away with some towering skyball drives and tree feller irons but quickly found form to turn in a respectable 17 points and take the long drive
• The Ron roar was strangely silent (didn’t want to aggrevate the hangover?). Typically powerful display saw him knocked out of 3rd spot on a countback
• Snout pottered around after a three week layoff, his highlight being the monster drive onto The Boulevard and a nervous wait to see if he NAGA’d . . . . . but . . . .
• . . . . The Phantom saved his bacon even though he started with a big 4 metre putt before the rot set in, including a ladies violation, his mental and physical spent on a magnificent winning effort at bridge the previous evening.
• Chris J has the happy knack of playing good consistent golf given the jet lag and minimal opportunities to play ex-GBW. Deadly putter over the 2-3 meter range.

Results in Brief:
Winner: TJ 22 points
2nd: GL 20 points
3rd: DS 19 points (countback from RA)
NAGA: GW
LD: PB
NTP: TJ
Little Bounce: CJ
Apres Golf: RD/PB